


Don't Put Our Love Story into Words

by KingKagura, littlewritergrl



Series: Fanfiction Writer Izaya [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: "incomplete" fics within will be posted separately, Angst, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, FF Writer! Izaya, Fic within a Fic, Fluff, Hate Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Izaya writes, Izaya writes Shizaya, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Smut, Tragedy, Wet Dream, When a Fic is Written in a Fic, all different sorts of stuff, fic-ception, he writes a lot..., the only smut Izaya writes is Hate Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23728228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingKagura/pseuds/KingKagura, https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewritergrl/pseuds/littlewritergrl
Summary: Shizaya: a term used by fans of the romantic/sexual relationship between Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya.Most of Ikebukuro doesn’t realize what sort of treasure trove you can find by making a little search, but Izaya does.—And, Shizuo will soon discover too.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: Fanfiction Writer Izaya [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709077
Comments: 69
Kudos: 342





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Hello, everyone! For the last year or so, my love for Durarara rose back up to the extremes and I thought of this lovely AU. Then, I dragged my friend, Abby Rose, here to write this with me (roleplay it with me)! I played Izaya and Abby played Shizuo and, with the rest of the cast, we would switch it around and stuff! Anyways, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Abby Rose: Hi! I’m Abby Rose. I’m an aspiring author who hopes to have novels on the shelves soon, but I’m also excited to be posting my first fanfiction! The two of us have had a lot of fun roleplaying this, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Abby Rose, again: By the way, all indented paragraphs are part of the fanfics! The other format is the real world. (Well, as real as fanfiction of already fictional characters can be.)

> It had simply been a chilly day. Yet, the air vibrated with the vigor of nerves. After all, for many, this was a special day in February—Valentine’s Day. 
> 
> And, yet, it was not like all things had changed. 
> 
> Two teens dashed out of Raijin Academy. One sprinted with grace from the grasps of the other who screamed.
> 
> “IZAAAAYA!” The volcanic teen with bleached-blonde hair tore through the crowd of bystanding teens all leaving the high school to presumably celebrate with their lovers or cradle their broken hearts. “GET BACK HERE!” He roared futilely ahead.
> 
> "As if I would do that!" The raven-haired teen mocked back as he ran around a corner and into a small alleyway. There was no way he was allowing the monstrous boy to catch him. In fact, today he had been feeling like sneaking out of school without catching Shizuo's attention at all. The lithe teen wasn't in the mood with all of the energy in the air to play with the blonde that day. Yet, it was Shizuo who sought him out for no apparent reason, with furrowed brows and a frown on his face. 
> 
> Of course, Izaya would flee on the sight of that sort of face. 
> 
> He thought to himself with a huff as he jumped over a stray box lying in the alley. However, despite how observant he was, he failed to notice the dark plastic garbage bag laying on the ground right behind the box. The moment Izaya put his foot down, he realized something was off.
> 
> He was slipping. 
> 
> Due to the momentum of his steps, he felt his shoes slide against the plastic, losing its grip as he stumbled forward. He had lost his balance. A wave of dread overtook Izaya's nerves as he headed straight for the concrete floor. 
> 
> But he never managed to hit the cold, hard concrete. Instead, he hit a solid wall of chest, and two thin, yet strong arms wrapped around him as his movement stilled into the other’s hold. “Damn.” Shizuo, who had managed to catch up to Izaya just in time, grunted as the small teen fell into him.
> 
> It took Izaya a moment for his head to catch up with what had happened. There were firm arms wrapped around his own, keeping him upright before they dragged him back to safely balance on his feet. Or, well, before Izaya was slammed into the wall behind him. Though, strangely it didn't hurt. There was just the rapid hammering of his heart caught in his chest. 
> 
> A hand collided with the wall beside his head - loud - causing the raven to flinch. Izaya's auburn eyes met Shizuo's olive ones in a fierce stare down. The smaller boy felt a nerve rise in his spine at the close distance between them but tried to shove down the shiver as he pulled up a mask of stoicness. "Just what do you think you're doing, Shizu-chan?"
> 
> “Mmm.” A hum rumbled in Shizuo’s chest, but it seemed whatever answer he intended to give was unable to escape. His eyes shifted to the dirty alley floor, and though the lighting was poor, a blush could just be seen creeping across his cheeks and even reaching as far as his ears. His free hand shakily made its way to the bag hanging off his shoulder. He dipped inside, and pulled out a plain white box no bigger than an envelope. “Take this...” He asked, still looking away.
> 
> Izaya blinked. He glanced at the white envelope then to Shizuo then back at the package to puzzle at it. Just what in the world was the protozoan thinking? 
> 
> Izaya noted the tinge of red on Shizuo's cheeks but didn't pay much mind to it. Instead, his focus was stuck on the box Shizuo was offering to him. "And, why would I?" Izaya questioned. In the first place, it was questionable that Shizuo would chase him out of the school just to give him a measly box. The other boy would have probably just chucked it at him in the hallway to get it over with if this were an errand. Despite his apprehensions, the raven couldn't help the building curiosity that sprung in his head. So, he carefully took the box from Shizuo before he could respond.
> 
> Shizuo stepped away. His face still pointed to the ground, but every few seconds his eyes flitted up to meet Izaya’s face and gauge his reaction before retreating again. The hand that was previously against the wall was now pulled behind his head, scratching at the back and ruffling his hair.
> 
> Izaya arched an eyebrow at Shizuo's reaction even more intrigued. Could this be a prank of some sort? But, Shizuo wasn't the type for these sorts of pranks. His were always a bit more violent or childish in nature, nothing elaborate that required at least a bit of finesse. Though, Shizuo always had a way of surprising Izaya... like the feelings he brought about within the smaller teen. 
> 
> Brushing past his skepticism, Izaya decided to actually open the box in question, ripping the wrapping open. His eyes widened. Once again, the protozoan had broken past his expectations. 
> 
> "Chocolate...?"
> 
> Shizuo took a deep, shaky breath. He simply couldn’t bring himself to say anything, but his silence spoke enough. The way he shifted his weight from foot to foot. The way he couldn’t look Izaya in the eye. The way his face burned. They all conveyed the message of Shizuo’s anxiety, and how monumental this moment was for him.
> 
> Izaya couldn't believe what he was seeing. There's no way this could be real. It must be a dream. 
> 
> Yet, here Shizuo was before him, leaning over him against a wall, hovering around him with a shy, flustered look. It was an image only his wildest of imaginations could create; should have been able to create. 
> 
> "I..." Izaya was at a loss of words as the revelation spun in his mind, making his whole body grow warmer and warmer. His cheeks felt like they were on fire and he could almost feel the steam escaping his ears. He couldn't even look at Shizuo anymore, his head tilted down slightly as his auburn eyes swam. As his mind fumbled, Izaya couldn't help but ramble on reflex. "I don't like sweets..."
> 
> His words were like a shot through the air. Shizuo flinched, and immediately the soft and vulnerable inside he was showing hardened up. “Fine. Just throw it out, then.” Shizuo bit back and nodded towards the garbage bag that Izaya had slipped on before. “I was going to anyway.” He added before turning back towards the street, ready to run away and bury himself in his blankets at home.
> 
> Izaya’s breath hitched, choking him as his eyes widened at the sight of Shizuo turning away. He couldn't allow that. _No!_ So, Izaya pounced, grabbing Shizuo's arm to stop the taller boy. His fingers trembled against Shizuo’s wrist, from the rising adrenaline pumping through him. 
> 
> Shizuo’s heart surged in his chest at the sudden contact. He turned around, wondering what the hell Izaya could possibly want now. Surely he wasn’t cruel enough to rub Shizuo’s failed confession in? Who was he kidding? Of course he was. Fear seized his chest, but once he saw Izaya’s panicked expression a whole new numbing sense fell over him. His heart surged again. And again. All he could hear was his heart pounding. All he could feel was the flight of birds in his chest and chills down his limbs. All he saw was Izaya, moving closer.
> 
> "I didn't say anything about not eating it..." Izaya muttered, his eyes falling to the chocolates in his hand. He licked his lips as he released Shizuo to reach for a chocolate piece and placed it in between his lips, biting into the sweet. As he thought, it was too sweet for his tastes. But, he didn't want to risk Shizuo running off. So, he chewed on the too sweet chocolate and looked up at Shizuo, searching for his reaction.
> 
> Shizuo swallowed roughly. He was out of breath even though he was standing still. His eyes couldn’t decide whether to stare into Izaya’s or watch his lips as his jaw worked at the chocolate. “H-how does it taste?” He asked hoarsely.
> 
> "Sweet..." Izaya muttered out honestly. He couldn't help but grimace at the taste. This sort of treat was more of Shizuo's taste. _Yeah... Shizuo would like it._ His thoughts scrambled in this direction as an idea popped into his head. "Want to try?" He didn’t wait for an answer, popping the rest of the chocolate into his mouth. Then, with a determined look, the raven reached out, grabbing the collar of Shizuo's shirt and tugging the teen toward him. This only led to Izaya pulling himself up, closer to Shizuo. His eyes fluttered close as their lips met.
> 
> Shizuo felt something burst inside of him. For a moment, he thought it was his heart, but it couldn’t be, because it was thundering in his ears. He felt as though every cell inside of him was vibrating, thrumming in an ecstatic rhythm. He didn’t breathe, and froze against the warm lips now pressed to his. 
> 
> Izaya's lips parted as a silent moan escaped his lips, still pressed against Shizuo's. 
> 
> Shizuo felt the opening of Izaya’s lips against his, and he could do nothing but follow. He leaned in, gently. The taste of the chocolate was soon on his tongue. Sugar, cream, and cocoa. Sweet, but not as heavenly as the taste of Izaya’s kiss.
> 
> Izaya felt warm and fuzzy at the contact. It was electrifying and all he wanted was more. This was what he had yearned for and, at last, he was getting his wish. Unfortunately, the two could not continue for much longer as their lungs screamed for air. Reluctantly, they parted, panting heavily.
> 
> Shizuo caught his breath for a moment and tried to comprehend what just happened. He tried to think rationally, but there was nothing rational about this. His mind was blank, and filled with the haze of his first kiss. “I like you, Izaya.” He said, unnecessarily, given the chocolates and the kiss.
> 
> Izaya’s face heated up at the outright confession. Sure, he had understood what all the actions up till now had meant, but to actually hear it from the blonde's mouth, Izaya was overwhelmed. "I... I...!" Izaya managed to stutter out but not completely. He couldn't speak with how flustered he was feeling. So, instead, he collapsed into Shizuo's chest, hugging the taller teen and burying his face into his shirt to hide. He rubbed his head up and down in a nod as he mumbled out, "... Me too..."
> 
> Shizuo shuddered as the air left him. He slowly wrapped his arms around Izaya, holding him against his chest. One hand strayed upwards, settling on the shorter teen’s head, threading into the silk hair. Shizuo’s heartbeat out a strong, steady rhythm, which he invited Izaya to hear.

~ ~

A series of high-pitched, bubbly giggles erupted out of Izaya’s body as he reached the end of the story. “So sappy…” He sighed on the dying wings of his laughter. Despite this seemingly unsavory summation of what he just wrote, Izaya was satisfied enough with his work to hit the “Publish” button on screen. Within a few short seconds, his work was uploaded to the fanfiction site, Chronicles of Our Own (CO3), he frequented. He let out a soft hum as he scrolled through his profile. This would be his thirtieth fic published so far. It was his first-ever attempt at what the Shizaya shippers called “fluff” and he hoped that even though it was a deviation from the usual smut, angst, and tragedy he wrote, it would still please his audience. 

He had quite a large audience to please. There were hundreds of people in Tokyo who enjoyed shipping him along with that protozoan, and a fair amount of them regularly checked his activity. They were loyal followers who read every word he wrote concerning himself and Shizuo, and he had to admit he enjoyed the attention from his fellow humans, though not more than he enjoyed sharing his vivid imagination and desires. In a strange way, it was like hiding in plain sight; like a tree in a forest. He allowed himself to divulge in this forbidden pleasure while using others similar to him as a cover. This kept him in control; reigning over his desires by giving into them a little. 

Izaya leaned back and stretched out his thin body across his leather couch. He had kinks in his neck from typing for so long on his computer, but he was pleased with his work and a satisfying fulfillment settled in his chest. Tired, he closed his eyes, allowing his mind to muddle and for his dreams to surface.

A faint smile graced his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: And, that's the start! Izaya as a fanfic writer, huh... I hope we were able to bring it out well!  
> Abby Rose: Shall we take a bow?  
> Kagura: Sure~  
> Abby Rose & Kagura: *bows*  
> Kagura: Anyways, We will be (trying) to post a chapter every two weeks! We have over half of the story written out so far, so we can probably keep this on the schedule given quarantine and stuff! We will definitely try at least!  
> Like said in the tags, any fic that is shown "incomplete" in this fic will be posted as a separate fic connected to this story! And, we will be doing this at the same time as posting the chapter it is in!  
> That's all I can think of to note for now. Oh! And please comment and kudos! We would love to hear about your impressions and reactions!  
> Abby Rose: I think she got most of it. I hope you enjoyed and stick around for the rest of the story! Maybe check out other works by Kagura and you can look me up on tumblr! See ya!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Here is Chapter 2 folks! Nothing much to note, just enjoy!~  
> Abby: *nods*

A high-pitched squeal shook the van. 

The driver, Togusa, reacted to the sudden stimulus, jerking the wheel of his van and almost careening into the next lane of head-on traffic. His expert reflexes allowed him to quickly regain his control, but his nerves were clearly frazzled. He glared at the girl who nearly cost them all their lives through his rear-view mirror. “Fuck, Erika! Knock off your screeching!” 

Beside the driver, a beanie-clad man groaned as he rubbed his head. In the sudden rush, Kadota had bumped his head against the roof of the van and now it throbbed in pain. The pain only got worse with the scream from the girl behind him. 

Erika couldn’t even form proper words as she flailed around. “Ahh! That was so adorable!” She finally sang, swooning. 

Erika’s body pressed itself up against Walker’s side, who was seated next to her in the back of the van, as she lost herself to her inner feelings. He allowed his friend to use him for support, but the screaming and panting in his ear was a little annoying. “Keep it down, Erika. What could warrant such ecstatic behavior? Oh, but I guess if it was a new magical girl manga that would make sense.”

"It's not that Yumacchi! It's even better...! Ehehe...!" At the end of her sentence, Erika fell into a fit of mad giggles as she smiled like a crazy person.

A chilly sense of foreboding began to crawl up Walker’s spine. “You only get this way when BL is involved. Unless it’s Taken, Yaoi on the Rocks, or a high school coming of age romance, I’m not interested.” He lightly swatted the cheek that was resting on his shoulder.

"Oh! You will love this!" Erika assured, allowing herself to fall back into her seat. "Just read it!"

Walker made a face, causing his already narrow eyes to squint even further. Though he was a bit put-off, he took her phone and began to read, though as soon as his eyes locked into the tag “Shizaya”, he shoved the phone back into Erika’s hands. He shook his head harshly. “You’re a hopeless case.”

"Ehh! But you didn't even read it!" Erika pouted. "It's so cute too!"

Walker grimaced and moved his gaze to look out the window. “I don’t want to read about Shizuo and Izaya doing it doggy-style in the alley behind Russia Sushi. It’s so low class. Find me a friends-to-lovers about a mermaid boy and his best friend and maybe then I’ll read it.”

"But it is a friends-to-lovers fic, Yumacchi!" Erika argued. "Just, Shizu-Shizu and Iza-Iza are secretly friends and fall-in-love kind of thing!" 

“Don’t you have any shame, Erika? That isn’t even part of the 2-D world! Shizuo and Izaya are 3-D people! It’s blasphemy to begin mixing the ways of the 2-D world with the 3-D! You’re undermining the otaku culture!”

Togusa’s eyes shifted to his rear-view mirror once again as soon as his ears picked up on their conversation. “Ugh, Shizuo would kill you if he heard you say that, Erika.”

"Ehh, but Shizu-Shizu and Iza-Iza are totally a couple! Right, Dota-chin?~" Erika directed back to Kadota for support. 

"Don't call me that." The beanie-clad man sighed, though he knew there was no use. "Yumasaki is right, Erika. It's not good to mix your delusions with the real world, especially with those two."

Erika huffed, pulling her phone back up in front of her. She pouted and scrolled through her browser. "You guys might not see it, but hundreds of others do! We can see how they look at each other! They were meant to be!" She stopped scrolling and tapped at her screen. A devious smirk spread across her face as she parted her lips. "See! Like this Toudaimoto Kurashi-san! They write such great stories about Shizu-Shizu and Iza-Iza!" 

_Ah._ Kadota thought at this moment. _Here it comes._

Erika took in a deep breath before she began to read out loud:

> Izaya stepped out of the convenience store, hearing the buzzing ring of the automatic doors as he left for the bright fluorescent-lit room for the dim-mysterious moonlit morning. The air was humid as it always is during Summers in Ikebukuro, though it was much cooler than what would be experienced during the day. Despite the season, Izaya wore his signature fur-trimmed hoodie like usual. Similarly, he trotted down the empty streets of the sleeping city. Even it had a time where it needed rest and majority of its inhabitants had already called the day away while others in more dark areas began them. 
> 
> Izaya’s day continued; it wasn’t time for it to end just yet. There was still one thing he needed to do. 
> 
> Plastic bag in hand, the ravenette stopped at a nearby park, sitting down on the cool brick. There was no rush. He simply had to lean back and watch the moon, waiting.
> 
> Some time passed. Just as the waiting began to seem like a little too long and the metal fence began to bite uncomfortably into his rear, the empty street was suddenly no longer empty. A lone figure approached from the far end, walking calmly to the park entrance near Izaya. The figure took his time, and as he came into view a cigarette could the seen sending its white tendril of smoke into the night sky. When the man reached where Izaya sat, he threw the cigarette to the ground and crushed it beneath his shoe. “Hey.” He muttered, expelling the last of the smoke from his lungs.
> 
> Izaya’s reply came in the form of a bottle to the face. He had dug into the plastic bag, taking out a still cold bottle and tossed it at the blonde. “You’re late.”
> 
> Shizuo caught the bottle like it was a reflex. “The last client gave us a little trouble.” Shizuo snapped the lid off the bottle and took a swig. The sweet, creamy taste of strawberry melted on his mouth and pulled a pleased hum out of his chest. “Oh, I like this one.” As he spoke, he checked the bottle for the brand. It was unfamiliar, but Izaya was able to discern his tastes well enough to usually pick out something he enjoyed. This one was particularly fitting.
> 
> "Of course it is, Shizu-chan." Izaya huffed as he took out his bottle of oolong tea and unscrewed the cap. "I'm the one who chose it, after all."
> 
> Shizuo licked the remaining liquid off his lips, wanting to avoid an embarrassing mustache. He gestured forward to the park in front of him, prompting Izaya to lead the way. “Start moving, Flea.”
> 
> "There's no need to rush, Shizu-chan." Izaya snickered as he jumped up to his feet. He sauntered over to Shizuo's side, brushing past him with narrowed eyes and a sweet smirk. "The morning is young."
> 
> “People will start to wake up soon. I don’t want to be seen with you.” He said gruffly, but the way Izaya looked at him took the heat out of his words. He averted his gaze to the silent park beyond them. The cool, fresh air doing wonders to alleviate the heat that had suddenly enveloped him.
> 
> "I'm hurt!" Following along, Izaya feigned pain, grasping at his chest as if his heart ached. "And, after I brought you refreshments after work too."
> 
> “Oh please. You’d rather be caught dead than with me, too.” Despite his words, with the hand not wrapped around the drink Izaya bought him, he reached out and grabbed Izaya’s own, intertwining his fingers oh-so-gently between Izaya’s.
> 
> A soft smile quirked up at the end of the ravenette's lips as he reciprocated the gesture. "Leave it to Shizu-chan for the morbid language." He laughed, lightly almost breathlessly. Izaya tilted his head back to gaze up at the full moon donning its light down upon the city; watching their brief routine evening escapade. A whisper greeted the cool Summer air. "I wouldn't mind really..."
> 
> Shizuo’s face tilted at the other’s words. “Wouldn’t mind dying or wouldn’t mind all of ‘bukuro seeing us like this?” He expected an Izaya-like answer, so he punctuated his question with a snort.
> 
> Surprised that the blonde had heard him, Izaya was startled out of his daze, though he quickly regained his bearing. He let the moment soak in silence between the two, allowing tension to rise as he stopped in his tracks and, as such, stopped Shizuo too.
> 
> The sudden jarring to the peaceful night stiffened Shizuo’s stance. “I was kidding..” So he claimed, but he wasn’t certain what it was he was supposedly kidding about. He wasn’t implying they should start going on walks in broad daylight or anything. He couldn’t tell if Izaya stopped because the sheer thought of doing so made him want to end their morning short, or if it struck something deep inside he wasn’t telling Shizuo. Though, he doubted these walks meant that much to Izaya. They were simply sharing the nice weather together. Making small talk. Holding hands. And yes, Shizuo thought Izaya looked gorgeous when outlined in moonlight, but that had nothing to do with any of this. It was just a walk, and he probably overstepped something somewhere.
> 
> Hearing Shizuo's retreat, Izaya frowned. He didn't mean to cause the blonde to fret; he had just needed a moment to collect himself. He needed some time to gather the courage he needed but lacked to say what he had wanted to say for a long while now. "I..." He managed to hoaresly mutter out. Izaya played with Shizuo's fingers in his hand as a rosy flush burned on his cheeks. "I wouldn't mind... if we did this more often..."
> 
> Shizuo’s mouth hung open. He blinked several times, trying to understand what Izaya had meant. But there was no hidden meaning. No joke. No secret intention anywhere as far as he could surmise. He swallowed roughly. “I... wouldn’t either. I don’t think.” He felt the space where he and Izaya touched. Though it was small, it felt strong enough to anchor him to a world that suddenly felt like it was spinning in some way it had never before.
> 
> Izaya looked up at Shizuo's face at those words. His chest swelled in happiness, so much that he couldn't help the bright grin that overtook his usually controlled features. After a few seconds of silent staring between the two, Izaya broke out into a small laugh. "Shizu-chan, you look like a sunfish!"
> 
> “What?” Shizuo’s expression distorted into a scowl. “How the hell do I look like a sunfish? It’s you who looks like a flea if anything.” The apprehension from seconds before was gone. Shizuo only barely noted Izaya’s use of his easy ability to diffuse tense or awkward situations. Before Shizuo could start overthinking about what was happening beneath the moon and between the two of them, he was safely back to a place he knew well, with Izaya’s warm touch still in his hand.

Finished, Erika exhaled a content sigh. 

Once Erika’s tirade finally ended Walker let out a saddened sigh. “You’re a lost cause.” He shook his head and threw his hands up into the air.

"Don't you see how perfect they are together!" Erika persisted. "They totally would go on midnight dates like these!~"

“The only midnight meeting those two would have would be to slaughter each other, Erika.” Togusa pitched in his two cents from his place behind the steering wheel.

Kadota is silently listening and contemplating as Erika defends her view. The beanie-clad man has known the two men in question since high school and was on, what most would call, friendly terms with both of them. That's why he knew both of their personalities quite a bit, so he couldn't help but be amazed by the writer of the story. He could imagine the two enemies very clearly despite this being fiction, so much so that it almost made Kadota agree with Erika on her point that Shizuo and Izaya could possibly be in such a relationship. _But, there's no way that could be true..._ After all, Kadota had witnessed the starting says in the rivalry between the two himself.

“Ahh… that was so good…!" Ignoring the Walker and Togusa, Erika swooned. "Toudaimoto Kurashi-san is truly a genius at Shizaya writing!”

 _"Toudaimoto Kurashi"..._ Kadota played with the alias in his mind. _"It's dark at the base of a lighthouse", huh…_ He narrowed his eyes. 

**_It can be difficult to see things clearly when they are close to you._ **

It was a fitting name, Kadota thought, especially for the type of writing this person was doing—about Shizuo and Izaya being together. _Just what kind of person are they?_

~ ~

_Hatchoo!_

Namie gave her employer a look of disgust. "I'm not looking after you if you get sick." 

Izaya rubbed his nose with a scowl. "Oh please, you wound me." The raven took a testing breath from his nose. "I'm sure it's just some dust getting to me. You should clean the office better, Namie-san."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: I hope you all liked the chapter! I know this probably feels a bit slow, but this is all to world-building! Soon, the fun will begin... hehehe...  
> Anyways! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please send a comment and kudos before you go~  
> Abby: My self-esteem depends on it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Hi guys! Thanks for all of the comments thus far! We have fixed the "fanfiction" sections of the story so they are easier to distinguish!  
> Abby Rose: Oh, my, my here’s where the smut comes in! I can’t believe the first fic I’m posting is rated E... thanks Kagura...  
> Kagura: You're welcome! \\(^v^)/  
> Kagura: Anyways, enjoy!~

> Shizuo had brought it up casually that night, as he was washing the dishes after dinner, 
> 
> “You wanna go to the top of Sunshine 60?” 
> 
> It wasn’t entirely absurd for a suggestion. They made a habit out of spending the evenings after dinner together and, while more often than not that meant either watching a movie or making love, the two of them did occasionally go on walks or out for dessert. A trip to Sunshine 60 was ambitious, but it was a Friday night, so they could afford a little impromptu adventure. 
> 
> Except—Izaya was unaware that Shizuo had been awaiting this trip all week, planning it all month, and mulling it over in his mind the whole summer. When the two of them stepped out onto the open platform towering highest above all of Ikebukuro, Shizuo’s hands began to shake. This was not due to the cool breeze lightly ruffling his hair, nor a fear of heights. It was due to the weight of the ring in his vest pocket.
> 
> Izaya breathed in the cool Autumn night as he peered over the illuminated city below. Beautiful; probably his favorite site of all. He was entirely at ease, unaware of the building tension in the blonde behind him. "Absolutely stunning," He exhaled as he turned to glance at his lover. "Don't you think so too, Shizu-chan?"
> 
> Shizuo had to clear his throat before he could answer. “Yeah,” He didn’t mention it because it was obvious, but Izaya took his breath away far more than this array of civilization ever could. The way his raven locks flitted in the wind and framed his face, the shine of his eyes reflecting the light of the city the people he loved so much had built. Izaya was framed in this glorious light, glowing himself with his own adoration. It could bring tears to Shizuo’s eyes if he let it. His heart began to hammer as he thought of what his next step would be. He slipped the ring out of his pocket, clutching it in his fist, careful not to crush it. “I-Iza-ya.” The name of his lover shook on his breath.
> 
> Now, Izaya couldn't miss that stutter. Shizuo stuttering? Hah! Of course, the informant would realize something was off. Arching an eyebrow, the raven gave the blonde a questioning smirk, "Yes?"
> 
> “I... uh...” There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Izaya what he meant to him. “You know... I never thought I could have this in my life...” He did his best to simply let his words flow out, hoping they would give form to his feelings. “I didn’t think anyone would ever love me...” He swallowed roughly. “But you do... and because of you, I don’t feel like a monster anymore... and... uh.” He was lost in the other’s eyes. His hand trembled as he brought it forward. “I w-want to marry you.”
> 
> Izaya stared at Shizuo like he had grown another head. He cracked a small laugh, "What are you saying, Shizu-chan? Marrying after all this time?" He left it unsaid how they practically already were, given how they've been living together for the past five years and all. "What's next? You going on one knee?" It was more of a joke than an actual question, trying to lighten the tense mood that had fallen on them at Shizuo's sudden need to express something that already existed.
> 
> “O-oh, right.” Shizuo quickly sunk down onto one knee. He was now looking up at Izaya. His expression must have been vulnerable. He felt like Izaya had his heart within his hand, and the other could crush it at any second. He trusted Izaya not to hurt him, of course, but at this point, Shizuo knew that a refusal would break him. Even if it still meant that Izaya loved him. He wanted so badly for Izaya to say yes and to marry him. Surely his worry portrayed itself in his eyes. “So, will you?”
> 
> Izaya stared wide-eyed as Shizuo did as he said and got down on one knee. In that moment, he knew that the blonde had been serious. Shizuo was seriously asking him to marry him. Izaya knew the protozoan could be dense, but really this dense? Of course, he was! Or else Ikebukuro's beast wouldn't be looking up at him like a kicked puppy. Well, it seemed that Izaya just had to spell it out for him. "Of course, idiot." The comment didn't have the usual malicious tone Izaya would usually have with it. Instead, there was a load of exasperation and a hint of something beyond - love.
> 
> Shizuo’s face lit up in a smile before his mind could even process what Izaya had said. He expelled air he hadn’t noticed he’d been holding and rose to his feet. His whole body was electrified. He took Izaya’s hand and slipped the ring onto his finger. A perfect fit. His arms wrapped around his lover, holding him close as his body trembled with the weight of his emotions.
> 
> Izaya felt his heart swell as the weight of the ring on his left hand tethered him to the reality of this situation. He was never much of a hugger, but Izaya couldn't help but return Shizuo's hold. They stayed like that for a long silent moment before the raven interjected, "Now, we just need a matching one for you." Izaya quipped with an amused chuckle. 
> 
> Shizuo nodded, resting his forehead against Izaya’s. The city beside them casting their figures into shadow. The silhouette of two lovers embraced above the Ikebukuro skyline. Shizuo only broke the peace of the moment to add, “And you just need to pick out a dress.”
> 
> "Heh," Izaya hummed with a chuckle as he bopped Shizuo's nose, "So that was your true motive, Shizu-chan." 

Reading the last line, Izaya hummed as he gave kudos to the story. It was a fairly well-written story; his and Shizuo’s characters were not written so out of character that it was painful and the storytelling was not that cringy as well. There was only one issue though. “Why am I always the one in the dress?” He quipped to himself. 

In all of the stories he had read about him and Shizuo online, if either of them were the ones to ever wear a dress, it would always end up being Izaya rather than the fortissimo. Well, it wasn’t like Izaya didn’t understand the mentality behind it. Compared to the protozoan, he was much shorter and more on the beautiful side. Plus, out of the two of them, he would look the best in a dress. However, that didn’t mean this assumption didn’t offend Izaya. Though, at least crossdressing was better than the outright out of character feminized versions of him people liked to write. Good riddance. 

It would be better if others could take after his writing more. At the thought, Izaya opened up his page which displayed all of his works he had published. The informant had taken the time to write a great amount of stories involving him and Shizuo. Proudly, Izaya could attest that the characterization was very close to their actual personalities, with some variance to give the story a good spin. Even his explicit works - no, especially, his explicit works were in character. He only had a couple of them, but, out of all his works, they were the ones most aligned with his and Shizuo’s personalities and relationship. 

Izaya had just clicked on one of his most recent explicit works when he was rudely interrupted. 

**Crash!**

Out of nowhere came a trash can, ramming right into Izaya’s side, causing the man to skid across the pavement. _Just great - he had to show up._ His arms burned underneath the cover of his parka and his body rumbled in fresh pain, causing Izaya to cringe. The raven scowled as he rose back to his feet, tucking his phone back into his pocket to exchange for his switchblade. He had to act fast, after all, there was no time to lick his wounds when the fortissimo of Ikebukuro was coming his way. 

Shizuo was like a raging tempest. The vending machine was just one item swept up in his torrent. Now the full storm was racing towards Izaya. With a roar, Shizuo careened his way down the Ikebukuro street and caught up with his slightly stunned nemesis. It may have only been a second on Izaya’s part, but it was enough for Shizuo to catch up to the info broker, hand reaching outward to grasp whatever he could.

His fist closed on the loose fabric of Izaya’s parka. The vice-like grip was enough to rip the jacket in two if Izaya resisted, or bring the flea into the jaws of the beast. 

Izaya, of course, struggled in Shizuo’s hold, trying to worm his way out of Shizuo’s grip. “You know, Shizu-chan.” He hissed, feeling his sides throb as he hung a few inches off the ground. “I’d appreciate a greeting before you throw your gifts at me.” He kicked back at Shizuo’s legs, hitting his knees and shin with his foot. 

Obviously, Izaya’s struggle did nothing to lessen Shizuo’s hold on him. His kicks landed, but none were effective in hurting or even surprising Shizuo enough for Izaya to make an escape. He simply held him up, eyes blazing with rage, face crazed with hatred about to be sated. There was one word, rumbling out of his mouth like an earthquake. “IIIIIIZAAAAAYAAAAAAA.”

"No need to howl in my ear," Izaya didn't even wince at his name as he threw a condescending smirk at Shizuo. This was troublesome. Though he had been on his way home, Izaya didn't like how this was going. He had been caught off guard, too caught up in his own head to hear the raging approach of this protozoan. He cursed his own lack of caution and that stupid, but delightful, work of fiction he had read. Too bad reality had a tendency to smack him in the face and give him the middle finger. Like right now. Izaya gave up on struggling in Shizuo's hold, his mind racing for an opportunity to escape as his mouth moved on its own. "And, what can I do for you today, Shizu-chan? Or will you just continue to growl my name out? As flattered as I am that you know it, there's no need to breathe it out like it's the only word you know—"

“Shut up, fucking flea.” Shizuo dragged Izaya by his collar into the adjacent alleyway where he could kill his mortal enemy without scarring the few pedestrians that were staring at the two of them. Once hidden, he roughly pinned Izaya up against the wall, wrapping his hand around the other’s neck. “Are you ready to die, Izaya?”

Being roughly shoved against the wall, Izaya couldn’t help but wince, only to cover it with a glare. However, there was something off about this whole situation. Izaya couldn’t put his finger on it. There was just something familiar about it all… Izaya ignored this weird feeling in his gut, putting the thought to the side as he bites back. “Frankly, no.” He dug out his switchblade, readying it for an assault. “But, you seem to be, Shizu-chan.” 

Before Izaya could make any sort of swipe towards Shizuo, the blonde grabbed Izaya’s wrist. The crushing grip caused Izaya to drop his blade, and soon his wrist joined the same state as his neck; pinned up against the wall. Shizuo was all but pressed up against Izaya now, their proximity so close his chest was almost pressing up against Izaya’s. The smolder never faltered from his eyes, even though he was now close enough to stare right into Izaya’s.

Izaya glared back at Shizuo as the warmth of Shizuo’s body seeped into his own. Silent tension was smothering the two as they had their staredown. Feeling the twitch of Shizuo’s fingers on his neck, a clear thought ran through the informant’s head. 

_Ah, here it comes._

The instant those words appeared, something in Izaya’s head clicked. It was like the gears had turned just right so that they were no longer locked. Izaya gulped down building spit in his mouth, feeling uncomfortable at his own revelation. 

_It’s just like my story._

The situation he was in was very similar to the one he had written in an explicit story he had posted not too long ago. This made the hairs on Izaya’s neck stand as he became much more conscious of the little distance between him and Shizuo. 

Which just kept getting smaller and smaller. Shizuo’s face was plastered with a sadistic sneer. Izaya looked like a timid rabbit caught in a trap, and Shizuo was the big bad wolf finally closing in on his prey. The hand around Izaya’s neck got tighter. Shizuo leaned in even more, resting his forehead against Izaya’s so he could see nothing but the uncertainty that was swirling in the other’s eyes.

With Shizuo invading his already limited space, Izaya could feel the brush of his hot breath against his skin. It took all he could to suppress the shudder and the silence the hitch in his breath. But, all of that was not so bad, especially compared to the heat pooling towards his lower regions. _Oh no._ Izaya felt his cheeks flush in humiliation. He was hard. _No, no, no, no._ Izaya bemoaned in his own head as he tried to calm his racing heart with no avail. _This cannot be happening._

Izaya was trapped between Shizuo and the wall, with the brute sandwiching him against the cold surface and he is _now_ getting hard. _You have got to be kidding me._

“Are you scared, Izaya?” His voice was so ingrained with his own twisted satisfaction that it almost sounded like a purr in his throat. “Haha, you look terrified, you little shit.” He was absolutely reveling in the fact that he finally had Izaya right in front of him, trapped and only moments away from his demise. It was a moment Shizuo had chased for years, and now with it right in front of him, he found that he couldn’t draw the moment out long enough.

 _Scared?_ Izaya laughed at the very thought and he did, out loud, too. “Scared? No, I’m more disgusted by having to smell your disgusting breath in my face. Maybe you should let your vet brush your teeth, Shizu-chan.” Izaya deceptively mocked through his teeth. Shizuo’s condescending bark had allowed Izaya to regain his girth, though the tightness of his pants still weighed on his mind. He needed to escape no matter what. There was no way he would allow Shizuo to catch him like this. 

Thinking such thoughts, Izaya did the only thing he could think of at that moment. He kneed Shizuo’s own crotch, nailing it hard. Even with the beast’s great pain resistance, that had to hurt. 

He wasn’t expecting that. Shizuo lost his grip on Izaya as the sudden and sharp pain shot from his groin straight down his legs, up his spine, and thus numbing his arms. He may have been the fortissimo of Ikebukuro, but there were certain places where Shizuo was just a man. He let out nothing but a grunt. 

Taking Shizuo’s moment of vulnerability, Izaya swiftly ducked down and pivoted out from between the larger man. There was no way he was going to lose this chance, no matter how uncomfortably his dick screamed.

Shizuo couldn’t move more than his arm. He had to lean against the wall just to stay upright, but still, he was able to reach out towards Izaya in a last attempt to stop the flea from getting away yet again. As Izaya leaped away like the flea he was, Shizuo just managed to wrap his fingers around the hood of his jacket. 

Feeling the heavy hold on his hood, Izaya internally panicked. His mind raced and his heart sped as his survival instincts kicked in, pushing him to do what he had to do. Allowing his skinny arms to slip out of the sleeves, Izaya abandoned his favorite jacket in favor of hightailing out of there—out of Ikebukuro. The sooner he was far away from that protozoan and in the comfort of his own home in Shinjuku, the better. 

~ ~

It wasn’t until he reached his apartment that Shizuo realized he had dragged Izaya’s jacket back with him. He had been fuming at the fact that Izaya had managed to escape _yet again,_ albeit with dirty tricks. Though, he really should have expected something so underhanded as a kick in the groin from that fucking flea. 

He held the jacket an arm’s length away from his face, half inspecting it for some sort of trap and half just trying to avoid getting it close to his person any more than he already had. The thing stank like _Izaya_. He wanted to throw it in the trash. So, he tossed it into the bin next to the fridge. Then, he grabbed a bottle of milk and soon forgot about the chase and his near success.

Shizuo spent the hours the way he usually did. He watched a little bit of the news - some story on the Black Rider - which reminded him that he hadn’t seen Celty in a while and should probably visit her soon, ate a microwaved dinner, and then took a shower. 

By the time he was finished, the sky outside was dark. Normally, at this point in the night, he would resign himself to sleep just to skip through the mundane passage of time, but as he stepped back out of the bathroom he could hear a thrumming of some kind. 

_What is that?_

Shizuo scanned his apartment for anything out of the ordinary. It sounded like something was buzzing… maybe a phone vibrating. He rarely got any calls, though, and it’s not like he ever had visitors who could forget a phone. He was able to localize the sound to the vicinity of the fridge, when he remembered Izaya’s jacket, right at home in his garbage can. He fished the jacket back out and searched the pockets. Sure enough, there was a sleek black cell phone fitted snugly in one of the inner pockets. 

It was a phone far more expensive than Shizuo had ever held - which was typical of Izaya. The screen displayed that an alarm was going off. Shizuo dismissed the alarm, but the phone decided to pull a fast one on him and was now asking for a password. Shizuo didn’t even know phones could have passwords. It was four digits. Shizuo went for the easiest choice. 

_1234_

The phone vibrated its disapproval. It did, however, provide a hint: “Birthday”. Of course, people often used their birthdays for passwords. He just figured Izaya would have been a little more clever given that his whole job dealt with information. 

_0504_

But, again the phone denied him. Of course, the Flea wouldn’t have actually used something as obvious as his own birthday. Shizuo paused for a moment, wracking his brain for other possibilities. He decided to try the twins’ birthday. _When was it again?_ It took him a moment to recall it; the day that the two had been especially persistent in asking to meet Kasuka on, reasoning that it was their special day. He tapped in the numbers. 

_0214_

The phone buzzed again. _Damn Flea._ Shizuo’s eyebrows furrowed, twitching in irritation. Why the fuck would someone give a fake password hint?! It was just like that damn louse to be as elusive and annoying as possible. Shizuo could feel his anger start to pile up. It was like Izaya was mocking him through this damn phone. In a last-ditch effort before he crushed the phone in his hand, Shizuo typed in one last birthday. 

_0128_

The phone must have been able to sense that its existence was in imminent danger, because a happy little ding sounded and the phone was unlocked. 

Shizuo froze in surprise. Why the fuck was Izaya’s password _his_ birthday? That fact left a bad taste in Shizuo’s mouth, but he wasn’t able to linger on what it meant for too long. 

A wholly unfamiliar screen was now facing him. This looked nothing like a home screen. Izaya must have been on this site before that trash can had smashed into him. Normally, he wouldn’t give a shit what Izaya had been looking up - some sort of blog or online paper or something - but Shizuo’s own name jumped out at him. Once again his irritation began to rise, knowing that the flea was reading something that had to do with him. The informant must have been plotting something against him again; well, Shizuo wasn’t going to let this chance slip by. He began to read, having no idea of the storm he was willingly walking into. 

The first few sentences in and he realized that this wasn’t a blog or some article, but it seemed to be written like a story—about Shizuo and Izaya. It started off pretty routine, even similar to the encounter they had today. Shizuo had Izaya backed up against a wall when the story took a one-eighty that made the blonde’s head spin. 

> Shizuo shoved two fingers past Izaya’s smirking lips and gave one command: “Suck.”

Why the hell would he put anything in that flea’s dirty mouth? The thought alone made a shiver run down his spine. His brows furrowed down, darkening his gaze with confusion. But, he didn’t stop reading. He read in horror as Izaya began to suck on his fingers like he was enjoying something sweet, then the mention of one word almost made him split the phone in half. 

> _—Sex_

Shizuo felt his heart jolt inside his chest. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, but for some reason, he couldn’t put the phone down. It was the same fascination that came with staring at a car wreck, like seeing a naked woman for the first time, something terrifying but thrilling in its danger and prohibition. 

Izaya sucked on his fingers as Shizuo undid Izaya’s pants. The words were nearly a blur, but the further he went the more he felt the tension inside of him building. 

> He trailed his rough fingers up Izaya’s thigh before taking the other’s hardened length in his hand, giving a few strokes and watching for the other’s reaction. 

He could feel his heart beating in his throat.

> It was only when an abrupt burn penetrated his ass, knocking the air from his lungs, that he realized what was happening.

He felt his body begin to heat up. 

> His pants escaped like the growls and the howls of wild beasts, nothing but the feral desire to fuck in his head.

His palms were sweating, the phone was nearly slipping in their unsteady grip. 

> His body shuddered as he came, emptying his load into Izaya’s tight ass.

He began to feel dizzy. His legs were stiffened still; the only thing keeping him from collapsing. 

> With every tug out, a little bit of the blonde’s cum escaped his hole; and with every push in, more spilled in. The raven couldn’t bear the heat any longer as Shizuo struck deep within him with his cock and cum. He came. 

He was going to be sick.

The last line was delivered, like a final punch, in a way even more devastating than the blow Izaya had landed to his groin earlier. 

> Staring at that broad back of the blonde man until it disappeared, one thought arose in Izaya’s cloudy mind. 
> 
> _Love you._

The phone slid out of Shizuo’s hand, and toppled to the floor. His heart roared in his ears, pulsed all throughout his body. 

He had just read porn. Of Izaya and him. Fucking. 

His stomach twisted into a nauseating knot, but he was unable to get sick. 

Why the fuck did Izaya have that on his phone? Why had Izaya been reading it? Had he been just as horrified? He had to have been. Then why read it? It must give him some sort of twisted pleasure. _Pleasure—_ Thinking about that only made his stomach twist tighter. He didn’t want to think of Izaya. He just wanted to forget what he had just read. 

Shizuo left the phone on the floor and trudged on numb legs to collapse on his bed. Closing his eyes, he was grateful that sleep washed over him soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Haha! This is where it all began...  
> Kagura: ... all the smut...  
> Abby Rose: And what a hard time we’ve had trying to keep it tame.  
> Kagura: For more of the fic Shizuo was reading, check out: _[Hidden Between the Lines](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24226906) ___


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abby: In which Shizuo discovers that he may have a bit of a problem...  
> Kagura: LOOK AT THE RATING OF THIS FIC GUYS. THIS IS NOT A JOKE IT IS RATED E OR A REASON!  
> Abby: That’s probably why most of the people are here to begin with...

Shizuo’s eyelids were heavy, but he was eventually able to lift them open. His room was dark. It was still nighttime. His mind felt hazy, and his body was warm. It must be sleep still lingering upon him. 

A rustle below him drew Shizuo’s attention to the odd lump in the blankets. _What the fuck?_ Confused, the blonde puzzled at the rather large hill before he tore the cover off of him. Being bewildered was an understatement for how horrified Shizuo felt when he caught a familiar tuft of black hair and piercing auburn eyes staring back at him. That shock was soon blown away by the instantaneous rage that bubbled up at the sight. 

“Izaya,” The name fell out of his mouth in the familiar rumble. The raven in question just kept his gaze trained on Shizuo’s face as he continued whatever he was doing in silence. Perturbed by this, the blonde pressed on.“What the hell are you doing in—here?!” 

Shizuo’s question came out as a garble when he felt it. Moist warmth enveloped the tip of his dick as something silky and soft rubbed against the skin. It was like a gentle caress at first, the way the silky warmth seemed to spread across his sensitive head. 

Shizuo choked on his own breath when he realized what Izaya was doing. He felt as though a hot weight dropped down his chest, falling all the way to his dick - which had already started to perk up at the attention. His fists gripped his bedsheets, threatening to tear them. 

Izaya let out a little breathy moan as he licked and sucked the head of Shizuo’s cock. He tilted his head to the side, eyeing the blonde as he lapped his member. Their eyes met and Shizuo felt lightning race down his spine. 

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. Izaya was giving him head. His head was swimming, his body starting to tremble as Izaya continued. 

It was painfully slow, the raven moved from the tip to the middle of his dick before he licked back up to the tip and gave it a little kiss. Then, averting his eyes to focus on Shizuo’s dick, Izaya pecked along the side of the skin until he reached the base and moved down to his testicles, sucking on the right sack. 

One of Shizuo’s hands flew to his mouth as he had to stifle a groan that nearly spilled past his lips. His breathing was heavy and hot against his palm. He felt like he was a live wire, everything sizzling in him, burning him up from the inside out. 

Izaya seemed to suck on the ball for what felt like hours but could have only been minutes as he played with it, giving it one last suck before he released it with a definite _pop_ sound. Then, Izaya moved away from the lower end, returning to hover above Shizuo’s erect cock, and gave Shizuo a little smirk as their eyes met. 

“Iza—” Shizuo’s strangled whine was cut off. 

Izaya parted his lips and descended onto Shizuo, taking his member in between his lips. Gradually, he swallowed more and more of the long length, taking in as much as he could. It was so warm, so tight, so _wet_. 

“F-fuck…” Shizuo’s hands moved to grip Izaya’s hair. Though he tangled his fingers in Izaya’s silken locks and pulled, the raven made no move. Instead, he released a throaty groan in response, the vibrations nuzzled against Shizuo’s dick. That pulled a rumbling growl from the blonde as he clenched his teeth hard to hold it back. 

With no deterrent, Izaya was allowed to freely suck on Shizuo’s dick before he rose up, releasing it until he reached the tip, and fell back down, engulfing it again. He continued to bob up and down like this, increasing his pace with every rise and fall of his head. 

Shizuo’s breaths came out as stuttered pants. It was better—so, so much better than anything he had experienced before. He had never even imagined a mouth could feel this good, let alone Izaya’s, but he felt as though he was being unraveled, atom by atom as Izaya worked his mouth on Shizuo’s cock. In his blinding ecstasy, Shizuo’s fingers clenched on those short raven locks.

Feeling the grip tighten on his hair, Izaya releases Shizuo’s member with a wet pop and gives it a chaste kiss before he shakes off the blonde’s hand. He pushes his skinny body up, climbing on Shizuo so that his arms now lay on his torso and his butt perks up in the air. It wasn’t until then that Shizuo had gotten a view of Izaya’s naked body. It sent a fresh wave of arousal through his body. His cock twitched and a new surge of heat traveled down his chest to pool in his loins. 

“Shizu-chan.” The call of the familiar nickname snapped Shizuo’s attention from Izaya’s body to his face. Those wide eyes seem to suck him in with its plain exhibition of heat, lust, need. 

All of a sudden, Shizuo was trapped by another stimulus to his twitching dick. Sandwiched between Izaya’s own member and smaller hands, a wave of sweet pleasure ran up from his crotch and dispersed throughout his body.

Shizuo’s breath caught in his chest, and he was unable to take in any air for a moment. He had never been touched by another person like this. Seeing Izaya’s cock pressed against his, feeling the heat between the other’s legs, it was more than he had ever expected. 

“Ah!” Izaya’s mouth was loose as he pumped his and Shizuo’s cocks together. The smaller man sang a song of loud moans with every drag of his hand and buck of his hips; a breathless and needy echo. 

Shizuo couldn’t help it. He found himself moving to the rhythm Izaya set, bucking his hips into the other’s hand and sliding their cocks together. With every pump, a low groan escaped his throat and heightened the pleasure in his body. He didn’t even realize it when Izaya’s hands went missing and nothing was keeping his dick from sliding roughly against his own stomach, from Izaya’s smooth skin which pressed closer than earlier.. The raven’s hand had somehow latched onto Shizuo’s chest, clawing at his toned skin to get a grip as he rubbed against Shizuo with abandon. 

Meanwhile, the other hand had crawled over behind Izaya. Confused, and missing the friction of Izaya’s cock against his own, he tried to follow Izaya’s motion behind his back. Slick with precum fingers continuously plunged into Izaya’s ass. It was a hard show to view, but with their current positions, Shizuo could just manage to catch it as the raven scissored his own hole open. Loud moans flew out of Izaya’s mouth as he continued his off, desperate pace; a push into his hole there then a grind against Shizuo’s dick next. 

Another tug of pleasure as he watched Izaya fuck himself with his own fingers. The sensation of Izaya grinding against him was all too fleeting, more like teasing than any real gratification, but watching Izaya finger himself turned Shizuo’s brain to mush. 

“He… ha… ha…” Izaya began with a chuckle but ended up panting out most of it as he gave Shizuo a devilish smirk. His eyes crinkled together with a sly shine to them. “Did you think… ha... we were going... to just end… ha… it here…?” Abruptly, Izaya stopped his ministrations, pulling away from Shizuo, only to push the blonde down onto his back as he mounted his stomach. 

ShIzuo’s hands instinctively ran up Izaya’s milky thighs, smooth as porcelain. His heart raced, the pleasure in his stomach was overflowing, and he took in the sight of Izaya straddling him with awe. It may have been the damn most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

Izaya lifted his hips, hovering with his twitching hole just above Shizuo’s tip. He could practically feel the heat emanating from Izaya’s entrance. That infuriating smirk Shizuo usually hated so much spread across Izaya’s face just as the raven wiggled onto his dick and pressed down on it. Shizuo felt Izaya made way for him as the tip penetrated the hot ring of muscles. Then, it breached it, sliding roughly inside the tight, wet cavern of Izaya’s body. 

The world turned white. 

~ ~

Shizuo took a breath. The world of his dream washed away, and he could feel the tendrils of sleep release their hold on him little by little as he awoke. He opened his eyes to his bedroom and morning light streaming in through the windows. For a second, his dream was forgotten, but after a second to start up his mind, and the image of a very naked Izaya came flooding back to him. His body immediately went rigid as clarity returned to him and he remembered in excruciating detail what had happened - what he had felt towards the fucking flea. It was only then, with a great sense of horror, that he realized the soiled state of his boxers. 

“... Fuck.”

As soon as the initial shock wore off, Shizuo opted for a cold shower to wash the mess and the memories away. However, even with the cold water chilling his skin, he couldn’t get Izaya out of his mind. He kept catching himself remembering how it felt to have those lips around his cock, that body on display before him, the moment he sunk inside. He shivered, but not because of the icy water. It was disgusting, thinking about Izaya in that way. But what was more disgusting was the fact that Shizuo wasn’t actually disgusted. He knew that dream had been wrong, but at the same time a part of him couldn’t stop thinking about it, and clearly his body had been pleased with the image. Which just made it all the more wrong.

After his shower, he plopped down on his couch. It was his day off, which he usually spent by milling around his apartment or occasionally visiting Celty and Shinra. Maybe he should get out of the house and distract himself. But, the possibility of running into the flea immediately banished that thought from his mind. He slumped further down into his couch and clicked on the TV, but the news broadcast was lost on him. He couldn’t get his mind to stop buzzing. 

It was just a dream. Shizuo knew the mind did crazy things, sometimes, and it really didn’t mean anything that he imagined Izaya in that way, especially after reading what he had found on Izaya’s phone. God, why was that even on Izaya’s phone? Did _he_ enjoy reading them? Did _he_ have the same kind of dreams Shizuo did afterward? 

The thought sent a shudder down his spine. His eyes turned towards Izaya’s phone, still laying on the floor near his feet. It felt like the sleek device was goading him to read more, to figure out why Izaya read that story. He felt his stomach knot up as he reached down and grabbed the device. He punched in the password, his birthday, and the phone unlocked to the same story he had read the other day. He hit the “back” button, and he was shown a list of titles, presumably all stories about him and… Izaya. The sheer amount made Shizuo’s eyes widen and a small wave of terror well inside of him. _Has Izaya read all of these?_ He scrolled down the list until one caught his eye. 

This was just for research, he reasoned. He needed to figure out what Izaya was up to. Why he gave a shit wasn’t something he considered. He clicked the link to a new story and began to read. 

The first one he clicked on was entitled “Rain Drops Like Tears”. Immediately, Shizuo could tell this had a vastly different tone than the one he had read. In it, Shizuo had found Izaya in a rainy alley, crying. The Izaya in the story was so starkly different than the one he knew in reality. He seemed so fragile. So human. Shizuo had never even conceived the notion that Izaya could be weak like any other person in the world, that he could feel pain. It prodded him to pick another story on the list. 

“A Little Dream”. Shizuo had curled his lip at the beginning of the story. He and Izaya were fucking, again. He had thought that it would be much like the first one he read, but as he continued, the mood shifted in a very different direction. Shizuo had left Izaya wrecked and alone, and longing for something more than just the sex it seemed that they so often had. Again, Shizuo was surprised. He felt a tugging in his chest at Izaya’s lonely pining. It made his heart feel weird, off. He had to read more. 

The next he picked was called “Sunshine Past the Clouds”. This one was much happier than the last two. Izaya used his manipulation techniques to corner Shizuo into going on an impromptu date with him. Reading about the two of them walking down the streets of Ikebukuro together and eating lunch in a cafe sent a warm, fuzzy feeling throughout his chest. 

It was like an addiction was forming, he couldn’t seem to put the phone down. Unfortunately for Shizuo, Izaya’s phone decided to be just as teasing as its master. Just as he was going back to the list page, it decided to spring up a notification. The battery was low. 

He paused for a moment, at a loss for what to do. Izaya’s fancy phone probably needed some fancy charger, but all Shizuo had was the charger for his own phone. He had little faith it would work, but as he plugged his charger into Izaya’s phone, he was met with the miraculous signal that meant it was charging. He let out a little sigh of relief and went back to the stories. He was scrolling again, trying to find more that seemed that they could be interesting, but then something else caught his eye. The author. Every work on this list was written by the same person, some “Toudaimoto Kurashi”. That was weird. 

Whoever this person was, they seemed to be absolutely obsessed with the thought of Shizuo and Izaya together. It made him vaguely uncomfortable, knowing someone out there wanted them together that bad. And if there was one, there was probably more, judging by all of the bookmark and view numbers. He and Izaya were pretty infamous in Ikebukuro. There had to be more people out there writing the same sort of stuff, and, at least, definitely thinking about it. 

With that unsettling thought churning around in his head, Shizuo scrolled all the way back up to the top of the list. 

It was then that he got quite the shock.

The list he had been reading was entitled “Your Works”. 

Shizuo froze. 

He was on Izaya’s phone. 

This was Izaya’s account. 

And, these were _Izaya’s_ stories. 

Shizuo could feel the recoil. His heart leaped and he felt a moment of vertigo. _Izaya wrote_ _**these**? _ Despite all of this evidence, he didn’t—couldn’t believe it. He opened the work at the top of the list - the most recently posted one - and for the first time noticed an “edit” button available to him. He couldn’t operate. Instead, his brain reflexively started to read the new story in front of him. 

The story was titled _Hidden in Reflection_ : 

> Have you ever heard of the mirror world? A world beyond the reflective surface of a mirror. In it, your true self is trapped, unable to express itself. Mysterious, right? Enchanting, yet how utterly pitiful they are. 
> 
> What if, in this world, one had the power to view someone’s true feelings through their reflections? Wouldn’t that be liberating? For the reflections, at least. Perhaps even the humans themselves would feel alleviated for having their true desires known. But, such a person doesn’t exist. There was no one in the world that could see beyond one’s reflection. 
> 
> Izaya was thankful for this.
> 
> Otherwise, someone out there in the world would know just how simply broken he was. And, that very notion would only break him further. 
> 
> There are many people like him in the world. Twisted, morphed beyond their reflections in the real world that their sense of identity conflicts with that of the other. In Izaya’s case, he had been distorted so much that even his reflection had changed as well, all except when in regards to a certain man—Heiwajima Shizuo. 
> 
> Shizuo had always been special to Izaya ever since they had met in high school. 
> 
> Some could call it “love at first sight”; but Izaya didn’t believe in such foolishness. No, instead, it started as a deep fascination and a bitter resentment at rejection. This resentment pushed Izaya to further meet the blonde teen, bullying and playing with him. Eventually, he had realized just how much fun it was to be beside the other teen. He wished to be by his side, to be able to match the future fortissimo of Ikebukuro; to be worthy of his love. That is why he continued as he had prior, teasing Shizuo and fighting him, rising in the ranks of the outside world in the process. 
> 
> All that, of course, was an utter waste before the continued rejection from Shizuo, though. 
> 
> Izaya was never going to be loved by Shizuo. In his effort to reach Shizuo, to be his equal, he had only created an even larger rift between them that could never be mended or bridged. Izaya realized this fairly early on, yet he continued to vie for Shizuo’s attention, in hopes that, one day, the blonde would truly see him and his love. 
> 
> A decade passed without any such luck. 
> 
> Izaya peered out the large window in his apartment. Due to the darkness of the night, it was like a large mirror, reflecting the inside of his condo and him. His eyes burned into his reflection’s own as his fingers pressed softly against the cool surface. Watching his own face, he wondered whether he could ever display them, his true feelings. They were locked away so deep that they never saw the light of day; never surfaced using Izaya’s body as a medium. 
> 
> Now, they don’t even surface through his reflection, either. Instead, the very same dark eyes, void of hidden emotion return his gaze. It reflected the lack of feeling he held for his every day, the emptiness from the unfilled hole in his heart, and the vanishing hope from his soul. 
> 
> Perhaps, they were too far gone now—
> 
> The raven sauntered away from the large mirror, heading to his bedroom with his switchblade in hand. 
> 
> —Just like Izaya himself. 

This story was different from the others. It was darker. It left a weird ache in Shizuo’s chest. The things Izaya had written were strange. He had never gotten any inkling of this supposed pining Izaya had been feeling since high school. Maybe it was a joke. Maybe all of these were Izaya entertaining himself in his usual twisted ways. 

But maybe… Shizuo’s mind thought back to his days at Raijin. Izaya had always been hanging around him. But, it truly seemed to Shizuo like that was just to annoy him. Though, you could turn that situation around and say that, since Shizuo chased Izaya all around Ikebukuro, that meant he had a thing for him. That was ridiculous. He couldn’t jump to similar conclusions for Izaya’s case. But, that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible, and that was enough to make his chest tighten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abby: This was a pretty spicy chapter. It was definitely a lot of fun to write, and we hope you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for what's to come~  
> Kagura: Don't forget to press the kudos button if you like this story and comment!~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Oh man! I almost forgot to post the next chapter!!!  
> Abby: Maybe no one noticed! *hastily posts*

“You’re back early.” Namie greeted Izaya as he entered his apartment. It wasn’t much of a greeting more than it was an indifferent statement. The secretary wasn’t in a particularly bad mood it seemed given how her words lacked the chilling bite they had when she was. However, soon, the indifference seeped away to make room for curiosity as she noted the state of her employer. Namie raised a brow as she focused on the informant. “What happened to your jacket?” 

“Shizu-chan,” Izaya explained with a huff. The name was enough for Namie to simply drop the subject; already uninterested. She knew how her employer was with that beast. Though she held a lingering twinkle of curiosity on the subject since this was the first time Izaya had lost an article of clothing during a dispute, she didn’t care enough to pry; not when it came to the relationship between Izaya and Shizuo. Izaya was thankful for this. He didn’t need someone to pick at his wounds when he already did that himself. 

Izaya collapsed onto his office chair in front of his computer, allowing himself a moment to collect himself with only the background noises of shuffling papers by Namie to keep him company. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, scrunching his eyes together when the woman wasn’t looking. The confrontation with Shizuo only hours ago had reminded him of the stark difference between reality and his fantasies. It dug into the wound in Izaya’s chest and heat flushed his cheeks, which he quickly dismissed. To even connect the parallels between that event and his written dream was humiliating for Izaya; to lack such self-control over his own mind and even begin to hope for anything more than what he would ever have. Izaya couldn’t stand how it made his heart ache; like something inside him was cracking. 

Thus, Izaya wrote.

~ ~ 

Izaya had discovered _them_ in the middle of his second year of high school. The first year had gone by with unrequited feelings bubbling in the raven’s gut and a horridly violent rivalry between him and Shizuo. Thankfully, Shinra hadn’t yet given up on making them friends, so Izaya had an easy excuse to be in the faux blonde’s presence, despite how every interaction practically ended with some sort of spat: physical or verbal. Honestly, around this time, Izaya had already given up on pursuing Shizuo with anything but hatred. At least if Shizuo was filled with hatred directed at him, that would be close enough to love for Izaya. It would be just as much of an obsession as Izaya’s own and Shizuo would never be able to forget or be indifferent towards him. Despite this rationalized thinking, Izaya couldn’t help but long for the tall blonde in the privacy of his own company. 

Izaya would laugh to himself, mocking his own feelings, the pain, and the pining. It was during one of those moments that Izaya gained a curious thought. How did others view their relationship? Obviously, as rivals if not enemies; he had first concluded, nearly shrugging the thought off. But, Izaya was a curious boy by nature. He had to find the answer. 

Hence, how he stumbled upon a certain page on a certain website and discovered _them_ —

Stories posted on a website, written anonymously by different people with different aliases, all tagged with a recurring theme: 

**Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya**

—Fanfiction. 

Upon discovery, Izaya immediately skimmed the website, reading the summaries and tags of various entries. 

_A story of Raijin Academy’s Top Couple._

_# Enemies to Lovers_

_Shizu-Shizu and Iza-Iza lovey-dovey session!_

_# More Fights = Rising Sexual Tension_

_One day, Shizuo actually caught his Izaya._

_The Fine Line between Hate and Love_

_# Shizaya FTW_

_INSIDER STORY: WHITE DAY_

_# Shizuo totally aimin for that ass_

Izaya read every last one of them. Majority of them made him cringe, most made him laugh at how horribly written they were, but then the few gems within the mix made him sigh with a tinge of joy. On those ones especially, he would comment on them and shower the lovely human who had created such a great fantasy with praise, even engaging in conversation with a couple of authors and researching their backgrounds. Izaya was pleasantly surprised to know that the majority of the writers of such fiction were either alumni who had met him and Shizuo or his peers in Raijin themselves, some were even people who would watch their fights on the street. In this world where the pen holds so much power, Izaya felt it now more than ever. He felt reassured by the anonymous support he was being given.

Yet, at the same time, Izaya couldn’t help the sharp pain when he realized it would never bear fruit in reality. It was simply impossible there, but at least in the fantasy of not only his own mind but the minds of others this dream could live on. 

That was what drove Izaya to first start writing: that fantasy he was desperately reaching for. 

~ ~

With a click, the story had been published. 

Despite the accomplishment, Izaya couldn’t bring his mood up. After all, the fiction he had just written wasn’t like most of the stories he wrote. It was much grimmer in nature; a representation of his own hopelessness and shattered dreams. 

“Namie-san,” Izaya called out to his secretary who promptly turned to puzzle at his slightly off tone. However, when she glanced at him, he appeared like his regular self, leaning against his swivel chair with that irritating smirk of his. “You’re free to leave for the evening.” 

Namie gave her employer a look like she was gauging his reactions to see what he was up to. From the look in her narrowed eyes, Izaya could tell that Namie knew there was something off about him ever since he had returned. But, the woman didn’t question it, not when she was being given a pass to leave. The informant had expected such a reaction from her, given their relationship; however, he did not expect what would come next. Before she left, the secretary threw a curveball at him. “I don’t know what you do all night, but get some sleep.” 

With those words, Namie left Izaya before he could reply with some half-hearted comment. Eyes lingering on the shut and locked door for a few seconds, Izaya muttered. “A woman’s intuition is sharp, even for Namie-san…” He chuckled lightly with the last part before he rose from his seat and powered down his computer. 

There was no use staying out here for the night. He may as well heed his secretaries warnings and rest. Thus, Izaya made his way to his bedroom, changed from his street clothes to a set of more comfortable attire, and got ready for bed. Once he was done with his nightly routine, he tucked himself into his large and comfortable king-sized bed, pulling the covers over his body, and shut his eyes, welcoming the darkness that was to come. 

Unfortunately, it didn’t come. 

Izaya snapped his eyes open and groaned. He couldn’t sleep. His body was still thrumming from the events of earlier that day; unsettled. The raven took in a deep breath, holding it in, then exhaling in surrender. At this rate, he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep—not with how horny he felt. There was no choice. He needed to release this tension so he could finally rest. 

Resigned, Izaya let his hand crawl into his pants, under his boxer-briefs, reached for his half-hard dick. Delicately, his fingers massaged it, rubbing against the sides and sending small waves of pleasure to it as he worked his pants off with his other hand. He wiggled the sweats off, kicking them off his feet before he worked on his underpants. In this effort, he decided to just kick off his blankets as well, allowing both his articles of clothing and the cover to fall on the floor with a light thump. His breath hitched in his throat as his hard cock met the cool air. But, the cold wouldn’t bother him for long. 

Free from the restricting covers, Izaya began to pump his penis, gradually building up speed with every thrust. His body temperature was rising as he squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to focus on the pleasant sensations from his dick. However, evidently, there was something lacking in the whole experience. No matter how horny Izaya was, he couldn’t even touch the rising of a peak from just rubbing his dick. He needed something _more_. Something that would drive him further into ecstasy, and _fast_. 

So, with a grunt, Izaya stopped his ministrations to crawl across his bed and lean over to reach for a certain box below his nightstand. Hastily, he brought it to the bed and opened it, taking out a bottle of lube. Sitting down with his back to the bed frame, Izaya uncapped the bottle and spread a generous amount of lube onto his left hand before closing it and setting it aside on the bed. He shivered at the cold fluid squishing in his palm as he rubbed his fingers together in an effort to warm it up while he spread his legs apart. With his right hand as support, Izaya used his slick left to reach for his ass. In a hasty motion, he circled his index and middle finger around the tight, twitching entrance before dipping it in. Biting a hiss, Izaya was too impatient to slowly indulge on the feeling, instead, he went straight to wiggling two fingers inside. This took quite a bit of effort, but Izaya was already mostly used to it from past masturbation sessions. He hardly was able to come from just a handjob anymore; he needed _something_ inside of him. 

Izaya was thankful that he had sent Namie home earlier, for now, he didn’t need to hold back. 

With a gasp-like pant, Izaya scissored into his hole. There was the distinct, yet pleasurable, burn of it unnaturally stretching as his fingers made their way deeper inside. The raven closed his eyes, imagining Shizuo doing this to him, using his larger, more firm hands to open him up. His calluses would rub against his slick, sensitive walls as the blonde’s longer fingers would thrust into his prostate. “Mmn… Ahh!” Soon, Izaya went with a cycle of deep thrusts and scissor motions, fingering his ass with an even tempo all with the visage of Shizuo in his head. This, of course, wasn’t enough—it was never enough for him nowadays. His fingers simply couldn’t reach deep enough; deep enough to continue the illusion of Shizuo’s cock. 

Feeling the rise in pleasure only to feel it peak just below his needs, Izaya began to slow his pace down until he pulled his fingers out with a squishy-sounding pop. He was breathing a bit more heavily than before, feeling himself slip, but not entirely. Shizuo was still there in his mind even as he opened his eyes and searched for something else to fill the void. He craved it. He needed it. So, he reached for it, inside the open box he had taken out earlier, fishing out a dildo. Using the toy, Izaya cleaned his lube-slicked left hand on the cool plastic surface, pumping it a bit to make it less chilled. Then, with a certain focus, he brought the toy over to his puckering hole and circled the tip around it, effectively teasing the twitchy bundle of nerves with a shuddering moan. Unable to stand the wait any longer, Izaya pushed the large object in. 

Releasing a hiss in the process, Izaya continued to shove the toy in until he reached the hilt. It filled so much, making Izaya feel full—like how he imagined he would feel with Shizuo’s dick inside of him. He groaned at the thought, licking his dry lips. Now, with the dildo fully sheathed, the raven took a moment to collect himself, panting until he calmed down a bit. Once calm, he flipped himself over, pressing his left cheek into his pillow as he squeezed his eyes shut. Like this, he could see Shizuo pounding into him from behind as he shook his hips, raising his ass in the air for Shizuo—ever only Shizuo. Snaking his right hand back to the dildo, he flicked the switch at the very end of the toy, starting it up. In an instant, Izaya shuddered as vibrations ran straight through his tight cavern and spread throughout his body. They made his thighs tremble like he would as Shizuo rammed into his ass. The picture formed in Izaya’s head as he tugged and pushed the toy in his hole. “Shizu-chan…! Shizu-chan…!” He weeped as he felt an imaginary pull on his hair, pushing him deeper into the pillow and a hot growl blew against his ear. Shizuo gritted out sweet nothings to him, telling him how good he was, how hot he was, and at times nothing more than an animalistic grumble that sent shudders down Izaya’s spine and up into his gut. 

Sweat trickled down Izaya’s skin as the motions became more rough, more rushed. His right hand crawled toward his dick to pump it as Izaya bucked up into the toy he was slamming into himself. Drool escaped his mouth as he kept it open, moaning out Shizuo’s name and for more, just more, and broken confessions. “Shizu… l-love… yo—ah!” 

At the intense pace he was dishing out, Izaya didn’t even realize he was getting close with how overwhelmed he was by his own fantasy and the pleasure. His mind was lost, too deep to ever dare escape until he reached his climax. With a loud moan, he came all over the bedsheets below him, spending himself. No energy left to keep himself up, Izaya collapsed onto his own spunk, not caring at all about the stickiness or the cold as his mind faded away. His eyelids felt heavy as they blinked shut. Izaya drifted out of reality into the world of sleep with one last parting mumble. “Shi… zu… chan…” 

~ ~

Izaya gasped with a start when he woke up. It was like all of a sudden he hadn’t been able to breathe and it was his lungs’ desperation for air that had called him out from the land of dreams. His vision was blurry at first. It took him a few seconds to process that he had woken up and in what state he was in. A groan escaped his throat as he tried to ignore the gross crusty feeling between his legs and beneath his stomach. He didn’t even want to mention the large vibrator still up his ass. 

After building up the nerve to get up for the day, seeing as it was still hours before Namie was scheduled to arrive, Izaya pushed himself to clean up. After taking care of his box of toys - tucking it back where it belonged - and throwing his sheets into the wash, Izaya hopped into the shower to get himself cleaned up. Though he had wanted to first groom himself, he would die before he ever allowed Namie to see his disgusting mess. The snake would likely bite him for it and not in the irritated way Izaya liked her sharp comments, but with that unnervingly conceited edge of disgust. 

With hot water streaming down on him, washing all signs of his sins away, Izaya released a heavy sigh. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back to allow the shower to pepper his face as he washed his body clean. He took longer than usual, indulging in the spread of heat against his skin and the purifying smell of steam. Izaya only left the shower when he felt his fingers begin to wrinkle, not wanting to ruin his skin, and then went through his morning routine. 

By the time he left the shower, Namie had arrived already and was brewing a fresh pot of coffee for them. The woman greeted him with a pointed stare which he returned with a smirk he knew she hated before he made his way to his desk and powered on his computer. 

As soon as Namie was done pouring the coffee, she placed a cup in front of him. Izaya took the cup without a word and put it to his lips to take a sip. “I’m not touching those sheets.” 

Izaya burned his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: *fans self* I'm surprised I could write this...  
> Abby: Hehehe, welcome to the dark side, my friend.  
> Kagura: Next on _Don't Put Our Love Story into Word_ s—Shizuo's turn!  
> Abby: Great, it’ll be my turn to get embarrassed...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Woo! This time we didn't forget!  
> Abby Rose: Great job, us!

After his revelation, Shizuo couldn’t erase the frenzy of thoughts that plagued his mind; nor the newest hobby he had picked up with an addiction much like smoking. He had even built a little routine for it. He would go to work as normal, keeping Izaya’s phone at home to charge, return home after work or dinner with Tom, and swap his own phone for Izaya’s to read more. Izaya had over a hundred of works published, so Shizuo seemed to never run out of things to read. 

It made him wonder just how much time the informant spent writing these rather than actually working or scheming as he had supposed before. 

Nonetheless, Shizuo couldn’t stop reading every night upon returning home. Sure, he still did his usual chores and such, but once he was set for the night, he would read as many stories as he could before he passed out. 

Perhaps, it was in the way Izaya wrote that Shizuo couldn’t get enough of. Perhaps, it was the subject of their relationship itself that caused Shizuo to return for more. Or, perhaps, it was simply because Shizuo enjoyed it for itself and the feelings it conjured within him. They were much better than the usual boiling rage he used to feel toward the Flea. Now, he wasn’t so sure what he felt. It was complicated. 

Unfortunately, that didn’t stop Shizuo from mulling over the subject. 

In fact, it seemed to be the prime use of his brain for the past few days. His mind was filled to the brim with thoughts of Izaya, even more than it had been before. Yet, Shizuo couldn’t help but feel it could possibly be an improvement since it distracts him from his rage—like now. 

“Hey, Shizuo!” 

Shizuo snapped from his daze to face a concerned Tom. He must have been spacing out again. “Are you really alright?” Tom questioned for the umpteenth time this past week. The blonde debt collector has been having similar episodes like this for several days now and, even when Tom pressed, he would always avoid answering. Tom wasn’t usually the type to poke his nose in other people’s business, but he was worried about his kouhai’s strange behavior. “Maybe you should take the day off.” 

“Mm? Oh,” This was bad. Izaya was affecting his work now. He had been too busy thinking about the last story he read, that he didn’t even notice Tom was talking to him. This really was starting to turn into an addiction. Still, Shizuo gave his all to getting back on track or trying to at least. “Sorry about that, Tom. I’m fine.” 

Tom stared at him as if he didn’t believe him, but he didn't press further, instead, sighing. He knew how stubborn Shizuo could be. “Hey…” However, Tom didn’t want to let his friend suffer in silence if there was anything he could do to help it. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but… If you ever need an ear, I’m here.” 

“Thanks.” Shizuo nodded. Tom was a good guy, and Shizuo more than appreciated his offer. Shizuo wasn’t normally the type of person to vent about his problems. There was really only one guy he would rant to about his issues. 

The neighing of a horse suddenly echoed through the air, sounding like something breaking forth from the underworld. 

Speak of the devil. A rider in a black suit zoomed passed them with panic as police sirens chased after her. Shizuo watched the headless rider in her efforts to escape the police.

“Ah, damn. They’re giving her a hard time again. I hope she gets home safe.” Shizuo muttered to himself. 

Work after that went as usual, if not a little better. They finished up their last two cases quickly, just a couple of hours past sunset. The night was dark above them as Shizuo and Tom exited their boss’ office building. Shizuo felt the satisfaction of completing a day’s work, and he could feel the desire to return home, eat some dinner, take a shower, and _read._ He felt a sense of relief fall over his shoulders at the thought of going back to Izaya’s phone and indulging in the stories there—

“Hey Shizuo,” Tom drew Shizuo’s attention, casually. He gave the blonde a casual grin. “Wanna get something to eat? My treat.” 

—Or, well that’s what he wanted to do, but he let himself consider Tom’s offer. He had been spending way too much time reading the stories Izaya had written: he was practically obsessed with them. A break would probably be good to clear his head. He nodded to Tom. “Yeah, that sounds good. Where were you thinking?”

“Russian Sushi,” Tom answered, cracking a smile. “I heard Simon has some new special he’s unveiling tonight.” 

Shizuo nodded his assent and gestured for Tom to lead the way. When the debt collector duo reached Russian Sushi, they managed to snag seats at the counter. Simon greeted them from behind the counter with a cheer. “Ah, Shi-zu-o! Tom-san! Welcome! Welcome!” The large, dark Russian spoke with his usual broken Japanese. “What can I get for you, president?” 

“I’ll try that new special menu of yours, Simon,” Tom answered. 

Shizuo nodded his greeting before sitting down beside Tom. “I’ll just have the usual, and some sake, please.” Shizuo’s haze roamed around the place. It was mostly empty, save for a couple of groups and couples, but one caught his attention.

"Ahh! Toudaimoto-san, whyyyy?!" From the booth to Shizuo's right, an agonized cry came out. It was a familiar voice to the blonde; that girl who hangs out with Kadota. Karisawa, it took Shizuo a moment to recall her name. 

The narrow-eyed man next to her somehow narrowed his eyes even more. His chin was resting on his hand, and he was slumped forward, seemingly fed-up with the young lady’s ranting. “I’ve told you this a thousand times. You need to branch out. Relying on one author when it comes to fanworks is just setting yourself up for dissatisfaction.”

“Erika,” A man with long hair in the corner of the booth spoke up. “We’re in public, will you shut up?”

Beside the long-haired man, a man wearing a beanie sighed as he drank his tea, listening to the banter of his group. 

"But...! But...!" The brunette girl protested in a dramatic fit. "They're fics are always soooo goooood! And they write Shizu-Shizu and Iza-Iza super good!" In speaking about the author, Erika's energy levels rose as she chattered about them with enthusiasm. "It's hard to go back to the other fics when you have quality like this!"

Walker sighed. "Here we go, again…" 

"Just what happened to them! Toudaimoto-san used to write such sweet Shizaya stories too!" Erika exclaimed in a fit, "Now they keep writing sad and angsty stuff…" She then slumped down onto the table, resting her head on the surface with a concerned frown. "I wonder if something happened to them." 

"Well, everyone has their off days," Kadota tried to pacify the girl. "Maybe they're just in a bad mood." 

"Yeah!" All of a sudden, Erika recovered. "You're right, Dota-chin! They're sure to come back!" She nodded enthusiastically, ignoring the grumble from Kadota about his name and the alarmed hissed from Togusa who pointed toward the counter of the restaurant. "Yeah! They'll soon be back with a whole new sweet fluffy Shizaya fic full of Shizu-Shizu and Iza-Iza being lovey dove—" Before she could ramble any further, Walker covered her mouth in a rush after noticing the appearance of a certain blonde in a bartender suit. 

Piqued by what Erika had said, Shizuo couldn't help but eavesdrop in on their conversation. _"Toudaimoto-san…?"_ Where had he heard that name before? Then, hearing the girl talk about him and Izaya - with those horrendous nicknames of hers - it hit him. _Izaya!_ Shizuo accidentally broke his chopsticks into smithereens when he was trying to open them. 

Tom flinched at the splintering of the wood. He gave Shizuo a questioning look. Shizuo returned an apologetic nod before he reached to get a new pair of disposable chopsticks. That girl was talking about the stories Izaya had written about them - him and Izaya - about how they were all sad or something. Shizuo recalled that story he had read a while back when he had first begun this new hobby of his. That story was something Izaya had posted just the day before, at the time. Could Izaya have felt sad like Kadota had said? His brows furrowed at the thought. He couldn't imagine it—Izaya _sad_.

Shizuo is snapped out of his contemplation as a plate of sushi is set before him and the rumble of Simon's thick accent. "Why the sour face, Shi-zu-o! Eat sushi. Sushi good. Sushi makes you happy!" 

"Right," Shizuo grunted, "Thanks." 

After dinner with Tom, Shizuo returned home. As soon as he walked through the door he began to go through his nightly routine. He headed straight for the shower, let the hot water coax him into more of a relaxed state. Afterward, he threw on an old t-shirt and boxers he substituted for pajamas and made his way to his couch in the only other room of his apartment besides the bedroom and bathroom. 

This is the opportunity he had been waiting for. Izaya’s phone was charging on the little table Shizuo had. He picked it up and unlocked it. He was immediately greeted by the endless array of stories Izaya had written. Their titles were often lofty phrases he didn’t really feel had anything to do with what he was reading, but he decided to click on the most interesting one nonetheless. That method had always worked before. 

But perhaps it would be wise to be more careful in his future selections. 

It was another story where the entire plot was sex, if you could even call that a plot. Shizuo had stumbled upon quite a few of these. The idea of Izaya writing porn featuring the two of them was beyond unsettling, and usually, Shizuo couldn’t stand to finish what he was reading. Nonetheless, Izaya’s taste in porn - or rather - his taste for writing it was fucked up. Every single time, though the setting and situations would vary, it was always the same thing: just physical. There were no feelings of love or care - or at least none coming from story-Shizuo that is. In fact, it was like in every iteration of this sort of story, the blonde always hated the Flea despite whatever physical relationship they were in - though that wasn’t too different from his own feelings it still left a vexed feeling in his gut. 

Like in this one he had just picked up, after the first few paragraphs, Shizuo knew instantly what sort of story this would be. But, the atmosphere, in the beginning, had Shizuo keep reading. It gave the story a sense of hope as if it would be different from the others.

> _"Fuck you.” Shizuo’s growl rumbled right into Izaya’s ear, causing the other’s smirk to grow wider. His grip on Izaya tightened, practically lifting Izaya by the hem of his shirt. “You want to be punished, huh? Fine.”_

It wasn’t different, though. Again, it was one of those violent sex stories that Izaya seemed to like to write so much. It was much of the same, the two of them had some sort of arrangement where they would have rough sex and then go their separate ways. Shizuo was about to return to the master list to pick a different story when the one he was reading took a turn that hooked his attention. 

> _Snugly nestled between his cheeks, shoved into his hole, was a thick hot pink vibrator._

He jolted. Something inside of him seemed to jump at that detail. He felt his stomach tighten, and suddenly he could feel his heartbeat within his chest. He read the sentence again. And again. Why was he so fixated on this? Every time he took the words in, he felt another flush of heat and a tightening in his stomach. He swallowed thickly. He didn’t want to admit it, but it was enough to pique his interest. He kept reading 

In the story, Shizuo continued to torture Izaya by slapping his ass. Shizuo wasn’t a fan of this; if he had actually slapped Izaya like this, the smaller man would likely break his hip. Just imagining that made Shizuo want to drop the whole story, but the reactions from the in-story Izaya kept his attention. 

_Every smack only drove the dildo in more, hitting his prostate and drawing out waves of ecstasy. Not to mention how his flesh stung and burned from the harsh smacks, causing them to thrum despite the numbness. All of it along with the initial wait made the heat rush to his erection; he was so close to just ejaculating on Shizuo’s pants._

His heartbeat was thrumming. His blood was electric. He felt flush after flush of heat settling in his stomach. Reaching lower and lower. 

> _This made him vulnerable to what would come next as Shizuo grabbed the hilt of the toy, angling it towards where he knew Izaya’s prostate to be and thrusted it harshly inside._
> 
> _“Ahh!” Izaya screamed. His entire breath escaped him as his eyes widened like they’d pop out of their sockets as they rolled back. Abruptly, he lost his vision as he came all over Shizuo’s trousers._

Shizuo exited the story, clicked off the phone, and groaned. “Fuck.” He was hard. He balled his fists and took deep breaths. He got hard from thinking of Izaya. It made him sick—at least, he hoped it did. But, he couldn’t tell if the twisting in his stomach was from disgust or arousal. 

He stood up, a little stiff. He glared at the wall for a few moments, trying to ignore the tightness of his pants, trying not to look down at the tent he would see if he did. He didn’t want to think at all about what this meant. He slowly marched to his bathroom and turned on the shower, making sure the water was cold. 

Even with the icy water pelting him from above, he couldn’t get his mind off of what he read, or worse, what he imagined. Izaya. Izaya’s ass. He had stared at it so much throughout the years from chasing the flea he felt he knew the shape like the back of his hand. Fuck. He couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like naked—what all of Izaya would be like naked. He pulled from the dreams he had had. Would Izaya be that smooth and fair? He tried to close his eyes against the image, but that only made it worse. He imagined Izaya like he had been in the story, folded over his lap with a vibrator in his ass. He had fucked him with it. He could hear the moans and whines Izaya would make, and even in the cold water, he felt his cock twitch at the thought. 

_Stop! Don’t think about it._ A growl escaped his throat as he forced the image away. 

The shower was getting nowhere. All it did was make the blonde cold all over. He turned off the shower just as a shudder quaked through him, not bothering to give any attention to the one warm part of his body as he dried himself off and got dressed. 

Shizuo stomped into his bedroom, biting his bottom lip as his brows furrowed in frustration. There was no way he was turned on by Izaya—of the thought of doing _those_ things to him, seeing the raven fall apart in his hands, moaning his name sweetly, _“Oh, Shizu-chan.~”_ —

Shizuo shook his head vigorously. 

With a heavy sigh, the blonde collapsed back onto his bed. The stiff springs pushed him back up, supporting his weight as he closed his eyes. He should sleep. It’s been a long day, so a lot of stress has built up. Yeah—that’s why, Shizuo reasoned. Yet, again, his attention had unconsciously crawled back down to his erection. 

The visions of his dreams came flooding back. He imagined Izaya over him, touching himself as he got ready to take Shizuo. He felt the hot velvet of his mouth just like he had in his dreams. Izaya was all over him, and inside him. He couldn’t escape. His erection remained stubborn, painful in his boxers until he couldn’t stand it anymore. 

Shizuo sat up and braced his back against the headboard. His heart was pumping wildly, and his fingers trembled as he reluctantly lowered his palm to rest against the bulge in his underwear. He stifled a hiss at the pleasure that lit up from that simple touch. He slowly dragged his hand across his clothed erection. His heart was pounding so loudly it was as though it was drowning out all his inhibitions and rationale. 

Shizuo had masturbated before, of course, but he’d never felt so thrilled, so hungry for it. 

He slid his boxers down his thighs and wrapped his fingers around himself. His thumb went to the head of his cock, swiping across the slit and massaging the same way he imagined Izaya’s tongue would, the same way he’d dreamt it before. His dick twitched in his hand at the thought. He began to slide his fist down his length, his grip tight like he imagined Izaya to be around him. A jolt shot through his body and he jerked his hips. 

_Izaya._

The smooth, pale skin would be against his fingertips, in his hands for him to squeeze and caress. He would be able to taste him on his tongue, the salt of his sweat with the sweetness of his skin. He didn’t know what cum tasted like, but he would be willing to find out. He would be able to hear Izaya’s moans as he fucked him. The whines, the keens as he hit his prostate or massaged him with his fingers. The way Izaya would call his name. The sight of Izaya spread beneath him, bare chest and spread legs. The thought of the smaller man’s cock resting on his stomach as he laid on his back and spread his porcelain thighs for Shizuo. And that scent, the smell only Izaya had, the smell he could pick up on in a crowded room, the smell that reached him even now. 

Shizuo opened his eyes, breaking the fantasy, though his cock remained heavy and purple in his hand. There it was— _Izaya's scent._ He really could smell Izaya. 

Through the haze of desperation and desire, Shizuo's focus whipped to the source of the scent. Izaya’s jacket was draped over a dresser. He had felt oddly guilty throwing the thing away, so he fished it out of the garbage about a day or so after throwing it in there, after he had started reading these stories. Even from where he sat across the room he could smell the faint scent, something fresh like rain yet cloying like perfume. It made a fresh surge of heat light in his groin. He loathed to stoop that low, but he had never been so desperate, never felt an ache to come like he had now, nor something to fixate so heavily on as he did it. It was a hunger he had never felt, and it made him succumb to his desires, as depraved as he felt they were. He sprung off his bed, grabbed the jacket and returned to his bed with it. His heart was wild. It was as though he were afraid of what he held in his hands. It must have been shame, but he couldn’t deny there was a rush of excitement in the adrenaline rushing through him as well. He brought the jacket closer to his face and breathed in the scent. 

It was _Izaya_. 

His eyes closed and his cock twitched again. He brought the probably expensive fabric up to his face. A shaky hand returned to his aching dick, and he began to work it again. He shuddered as the pleasure started to seep into his bones and trickle down his limbs, making them tingle. The grip on his cock tightened and his pace sped up slightly. He let out a groan.

Izaya’s scent was all around him now. Having a tangible part of Izaya solidified Shizuo’s fantasies. It wasn’t Shizuo’s hand around his dick, but Izaya in Shizuo’s lap. Shizuo had his face buried into the other’s neck. His hand sped up, and his hips began to thrust into his grip - no, into Izaya as he straddled him. He could almost hear the purr in Izaya’s voice as he said his name, and Shizuo came. 

“ _Izaya.”_

The name shuddered out of Shizuo as his body trembled. A haze settled over his mind and warmth over his body. His hand was covered in cum, but even so, he felt satisfied and content as Izaya’s scent lingered in his nose. 

He had it bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: The rather spicy fic Shizuo read is called "Passion Behind the Scenes" (I know, not very creative title. We suck at titles!) You can find it by following this link or looking through the series! _[Passion Behind the Scenes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24930556) ___


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: This time updating a smidge early, so we don't accidentally forget! (I panic every weekend wondering if I updated this story on schedule!!! ;;)  
> Abby Rose: Good thing there’s two of us to remember! (And forget)

A black coat fluttering before him, long stretches away. It was just within sight, as it always was when its owner weaved gracefully through the streets of Ikebukuro. His laugh echoed past the murmurs of the crowd, always reaching Shizuo’s ear as he ran. 

Shizuo was running. He was tearing through the streets. They flew past in a blur. The only sight he could hold onto was Izaya ahead of him. He took a leap, reached forward, his hand closed around the hood of the jacket. 

Izaya came to a halt at the strong grip, stopping in his tracks at last. 

_ Finally!  _ He finally caught the little flea, now he just had to crush him—

There was a moment of silence before it happened. Shizuo didn’t realize at first how his body tensed at the lack of urgency from the shorter raven-haired man. Something was off. Something was different. But, Shizuo couldn’t figure out what. He didn’t have the chance to before Izaya tilted his head to stare at him with his wide auburn eyes. Those wondrous eyes squinted as Izaya’s lips curved up into a wide smile that blew Shizuo’s mind. “Shizu-chan!”

Izaya turned on his heel, and instead of bolting away, Shizuo felt Izaya’s arms wrap around him in a warm embrace. Shizuo returned the gesture without thinking, and soon he and Izaya were alone, somewhere dark and quiet, in each other’s arms. 

Izaya lifted his head up, from his nuzzling position between Shizuo’s shoulder and neck, and untangled his left hand from Shizuo’s back. That hand reached up to gently palm Shizuo’s cheek, stroking it with great care as Izaya stared back into his eyes full of affection. 

A tide of warmth rose up through Shizuo’s chest, sweeping his heart away in the force. He let out a sigh, Izaya’s scent reaching him and cloaking him in a sweet daze. He stared into Izaya’s eyes, saw them sparkle, and felt himself start to fall under their spell. 

They were silent like that for a long moment, just Izaya with his hand on Shizuo’s cheek and the two gazing into each other’s eyes. Hearts raced in sync. 

“I love you.”

~ ~

Shizuo’s eyes snapped open, and the world of the living returned to him. His body was warm, and his chest felt light. For some reason, he felt an odd sense of contentment when he first woke up. As he lingered on the feeling, the dream he had been having came back to him. 

_ "I love you." _

Shizuo jolted awake, alarmed out of his drowsiness. His hand combed back his hair before sliding back over his face. Just what had he dreamt? The lingering visage was beginning to fade, but even so those sensations - the slim hand on his cheek, the burning gaze of auburn eyes, and  **those words** \- were crystal clear, and they shook him deep down to his core. He couldn't describe what he was thinking beneath the confusion, he just knew he felt warm inside. 

He slowly got out of bed and poured himself a glass of milk. There was no telling what sort of curveball his mind would throw at him next, but he was damn well certain it would be enough to end him. Still, was there much worth lamenting over his dreams anymore? If he kept mulling over the wet dreams and now whatever this new one was, he was sure to go insane. 

Even though he tried to cast the dream out of his mind, it’s effects still lingered throughout the day as he worked. In quiet moments - like now, on his break, leaning against a building next to the park with a cigarette between his lips - he could feel Izaya’s touch on his cheek and feel the warmth of his embrace. He would hear those words tickle his ear, and he would feel as light as air. It was all so unsettling, he could hardly focus on his smoke or his surroundings. 

A bright light shined in his eye, thankfully his sunglasses took the brunt of it, as an illuminated screen was promptly shoved in his face. [Shizuo?!] 

“Mm?!” Shizuo was brought back to reality by a familiar arm, clothed in black which led to a body, also clothed in black, that housed a head completely covered by a yellow cat helmet. “Oh, hey Celty. Sorry... I’m a little distracted today. What’s up?” It wasn’t odd for Celty to show up for a little chat, or when something was up in Ikebukuro. Shizuo just hoped it had nothing to do with that damn flea.

The headless rider took back her phone to type. [Nothing on my end... but, I've heard that you've been acting a bit off lately.] She showed him the message, allowing him time to read it before replacing it with another. [Did something happen?]

Shizuo was struck dumb by this. It came as a complete surprise, not Celty’s generosity, but the fact that word had gotten around that Shizuo was acting off. He knew he had been vacant lately. He had been slacking off at work because of it. And there was only one reason for it. The fact that Celty was essentially confronting him about it went a shiver of panic down his spine. “Nothing really. I’m fine, you don’t have to waste time worrying about me.”

Celty stared at Shizuo for a bit, surely giving him an exasperated expression of disbelief. [It's fine. I'm your friend!] She insisted. [I'm free now anyway, so why don't you lay it on me? Maybe I can help in some way!]

Actually, maybe she could. Celty was in a... seemingly happy relationship, even if her partner was a bit of a freak. Shizuo knew that Celty and Shinra were happy together. Not that he had problems he could work out with Izaya, but Celty had to know what it felt like to... feel something for someone. “If you’re fine with it, I guess I do have something to talk about.”

Celty parked Shooter to the side before joining Shizuo by the wall. She leaned back against it, turning to him to show she was listening.

“Uh, well...” There was no way he could be upfront about what was going on. He couldn’t tell Celty about his sexy dreams starring his mortal enemy and a man most people hated. She would think he’s insane, which he may be. However, he could still ask for advice. There had been so much going on within his head, perhaps she understood. “How did you... realize you had feelings for Shinra?”

Promptly, his friend’s “head” seemed to explode. Black smoke seeped out of Celty’s helmet as it jolted up. [E-Eh?! What’s with this all of a sudden?!] The headless woman frantically typed. [I-I mean… It’s not like I really disliked Shinra ever… He was always by my side and I watched him grow up and… and…!] Flustered, Celty went on. [IN THE FIRST PLACE!] She suddenly cut out of her earlier state to calm down. [Why are you asking this all of a sudden? Did something happen…? Oh…! Shizuo… did you perhaps fall in love with someone?!] 

“No!” His immediate response was rejection. Of course, he would reject another’s suggestion that he had feelings for Izaya, even if he had just suggested so earlier. He quickly backtracked. “I don’t know.” A scowl tightened Shizuo’s face and he glared at the ground. He let out a sigh and tried to admit some of what was bothering him without telling Celty he’d been fucking Izaya in his dreams. “I’ve been thinking about someone a lot, lately. In ways, I’ve never thought about anyone before, but I don’t know what it means.”

[Hmm... well, it could be love...] Celty quickly waved her hand in the air. [But, not necessarily!] She quickly interjected in case she had set the blonde off. Then, she paused before typing again. [It could also be that you have some sort of unsettled feeling towards that person. Perhaps... you should go see them to sort it out?] The headless woman suggested after some thought. [Maybe by doing so, you can get whatever it is off your shoulders and it will make you feel better!]

Oh, Shizuo knew he had a lot of unsettled feelings towards Izaya, but none of them warranted the need to jerk off to the other’s jacket. He let another groan rumble in his throat as he considered what she had said. Maybe when he went over there and was reminded of how absolutely horrible Izaya was, all of these crazy feelings would vanish. If not, he could just kill him anyway. It was worth a try. “Thanks, Celty.” He said as he stood up. “I’m heading over to Shinjuku to go kill Izaya.”

Celty watched Shizuo leave for a bit before driving off, hoping she had managed to lighten whatever burdens were throwing him off recently. 

~ ~

Less than an hour later, Shizuo was at Izaya’s front door. He wanted the flea to answer, so he rang the doorbell only once, though he wanted to rip the door off its hinges. His heart was pounding, but not from anger, from apprehension. However, of course, as if to spite him, no one answered. There wasn't even a sound from the other side of the door. This made the impatient Shizuo glare at the door in anger before he repeatedly pressed the doorbell again.

After an onset of rapid doorbell pressing though, his call was actually answered—by the sound of a crash.

A jolt of alarm zipped down his spine. He opted for banging on the door, but he made sure it wasn’t enough to break a hole into it. “Goddamn it, open up, Flea.” He grumbled, leaning his forehead against the door. He glared at the wood in front of him, as if his stare could burn holes through it. 

During this deep concentration, he heard a faint voice from behind the door, a bit on the muffled side, but getting louder as heavy steps approached the door. "'Coming...!" Then, the door beneath him opened up, revealing a rather heavily wrapped up Izaya. "Shinra... you're so noisy." Draped over his shoulders was a blanket which he was dragging on the floor. His face was a bit rosy and his eyes half-lidded in a daze as he grumbled out the words. "Did Namie-san call... you...?" But, as Izaya's auburn eyes moved up to Shizuo's face, the haziness began to dissipate and be replaced by confusion while his words trailed off his tongue. Then, when his eyes locked onto Shizuo's, the raven froze up. 

Shizuo’s eyebrows rose in surprise at the state Izaya was in. His face was flushed and his words were unsteady. It brought a couple of Izaya’s stories to mind, but he quickly dissipated the thought. There was obviously something wrong with the flea, and it aroused a sense of alarm in Shizuo he normally would never feel for him.

Izaya stood there and blinked for a while, just staring straight at Shizuo with a blank expression. “Ah,” A small exhale escaped the smaller man, only briefly before it was like a switch was flipped. “... Okay, I’ll humor you.” Despite how he had been wobbling earlier, now Izaya was almost looking normal - though that flush hadn’t left his face - as his usual smirk lifted up on his lips. “What can I help you with, Shi-zu-chan?~”

Izaya’s welcoming atmosphere was definitely not normal. “The hell is wrong with you?” Shizuo asked, still standing in the doorway. The purpose of his visit was nearly forgotten. It’s not like he could talk to Izaya in this state, or kill him either.

"Lots of things!~" Izaya snickered as he opened the door wider, to allow Shizuo inside. His blanket was slipping off his shoulder in the process, but the raven held on tightly to it.

“No kidding.” It was a bit unsettling how he was so willingly let inside. Izaya was clearly not in his right mind - Shizuo couldn’t tell if he was drunk or sick, but the whole thing set him on edge. He lingered out in the hall a while longer, considering just turning around and leaving. 

"Shizu-chan?" The call from Izaya had taken Shizuo by surprise, startling his attention back on the strange-acting raven. The man in question was giving him a puzzled look over his shoulder. "What are you waiting for? Come on." 

Shizuo hesitantly stepped over the threshold and into Izaya’s apartment, closing the door behind him. “I wanted to talk to you.” But that seemed pointless now. 

“ _ Talk _ ?” Izaya tilted his head and stared at Shizuo a bit longer than necessary before he shrugged and pattered off ahead. “Sure, sure! Whatever you want.” He was dragging the blanket on the floor behind him until he reached the couch and unceremoniously threw it on top. Then, he toppled onto the cushion, allowing himself to sit on one side of it and leaving the other side open for him to pat. “Let’s sit down.~” 

Shizuo’s gaze wavered to the door. He wanted to leave. But he needed to know what the hell was going on with his own feelings. He may never get a chance to talk to Izaya in a civil manner again, and this may be the best time to assess his feelings without his rage getting in the way. He complied with Izaya’s offer and sat on the couch, careful not to sit too close to Izaya.

"So?" Izaya was leaning against the couch. His usual smirk intact, yet there was something different about it that Shizuo couldn't place. Perhaps, it was the disappearance of the usual devious gleam in his eyes or maybe it was the clear rosy flush of his cheeks. Nonetheless, today's Izaya threw him off. 

"Shizu-chan?" 

The next Shizuo blinked, Izaya was right next to him. The smaller man was in a much closer proximity then where he had been earlier and was now even waving a hand in front of his face while the other touched his shoulder. The warmth that radiated off that sleek hand seeped through Shizuo's clothes and into his skin. Shizuo swallowed roughly. He hadn’t planned anything to say anyway, but Izaya’s proximity and the heat of his skin chased away any meaningful words that could have come to Shizuo’s mind. “I just... wanted to see you.”

At those words, the smirk on Izaya's face was blown away for a blank bewildered look. "Eh...?"

“Uh...” Shizuo began to panic as he fished for words that wouldn’t be taken in any wrong way. “You’ve been pissing me off a lot lately. More than usual and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.”

Izaya stared at Shizuo longer, unsettling him further. He was strangely quiet when usually he can never seem to shut up. It made Shizuo anxious. "Oh, I see..." Izaya muttered out, no louder than a whisper. The almost emotionless tone made Shizuo even tenser before Izaya continued in the same breath. "... it's this type of dream, huh?" 

“Huh?” An alarm bell went off in Shizuo’s head. “This isn’t a dream, Iza—“

Shizuo was unable to finish his statement as Izaya leaned in closer, his hand on the blonde’s shoulder pressing harder as his other hand reached to cup Shizuo’s face. “Shizu-chan…” His name is whispered out like a plea as the raven’s face came closer. Shizuo’s eyes widened as anticipation grew in his gut and his breath was stolen away from him in Izaya’s next action. 

Soft lips pressed against his own, warm and a bit moist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Oh boy, oh boy!~ We are heading into the good stuff!  
> Abby Rose: It’s pretty intense from here on out, we hope you enjoy!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Yay! It's this time again!
> 
> Abby Rose: We hope you didn’t suffer too much.

"38.5 degrees." Namie huffed as she read the thermometer. The dark-haired woman scowled at her employer. “Didn’t I tell you not to get sick?” 

“Oh, be quiet.” Izaya panted out. His whole complexion was flushed in fever with beads of sweat peppering his forehead and neck. Beneath his sickness is a great level of tiredness, most likely an attribute of his late nights spent working and writing more than sleeping. Nonetheless, the raven persisted to act composed. “I’m fine.” 

His secretary gave him a sarcastic arched brow. “If this is your definition of fine, I don’t want to see you when you’re bad.” She shook her head as she put away the thermometer. When she marched back to Izaya, Namie gave him a look of exasperation as she nagged. “Oh, just lay down already!” Izaya, though, refused to follow her instructions, forcing the woman to push Izaya back into the couch he had been hovering around. “Sheesh…” Namie sighed as she left to grab a blanket. “Why do I have to take care of a sick manchild like you instead of Seiji…” She questioned out loud before unceremoniously throwing the blanket at her employer. 

In his current state, Izaya didn’t even bother trying to catch the blanket, instead allowing it to land right on his face. “Because… that’s what I’m paying you to do…” He explained as he pulled the blanket off of his face. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Namie shrugged at the comment. “Now, lay down already. I don’t want to see you standing up,” The long-haired woman grumbled as she headed towards the kitchen before yelling. “And, keep that blanket on!” 

“Yes, mom.~” Always aiming to please, Izaya replied with a sing-song tone as he followed Namie’s orders. 

“Who would want to be your mom!” The secretary retorted, viciously. 

Izaya ignored her, though. Frankly, he was too exhausted to tease the woman much more. Instead, he was complying to his body’s wishes for rest. He had been pushing himself like usual, of course, it would return to bite him. Bitterly, Izaya couldn’t help but think.  _ I guess this is karma, huh?  _ The raven closed his eyes as he became more conscious of the pounding of his head and the uncomfortable warmth of his whole body. It would take a while for Namie to finish, so he could allow himself to surrender to rest for a bit—

—if he could fall asleep that is. 

Unfortunately, that wasn’t so. His head hurt too much and his body felt much too hot. For a moment, he considered bothering Namie for a cool patch, but he decided not to. It took too much effort. 

“Here, porridge.” Izaya snapped back into focus as Namie placed the bowl of porridge on the coffee table. The sick raven readjusted to sit straight before grabbing the bowl and spoon to his lap. “Be careful, it’s hot.” Namie warned as the raven scooped up some of the rice porridge. “I don’t want to hear you complaining that you burned your tongue." With Namie's warning in mind, Izaya blew on the spoonful before eating it. Meanwhile, the woman migrated back to the kitchen and grabbed some medicine from the cupboard before returning to Izaya's side. She didn't wait for Izaya to finish eating, instead going off to organize some more paperwork. 

Izaya didn't pay much attention to her as he finished his food, putting the empty bowl on the coffee table in front of him. Hearing the light clattering sound, Namie called out, “Take your medicine," before she picked up the dirty dishes and took them to the sink. As she was washing, the sick raven slumped against the couch before sliding so he stretched his body across it. Not even glancing at her employer, the aloof woman asked. “Do you want me to call Kishitani?” 

“No," It took a bit for Izaya to respond given his current exhausted state. "No need. It’s just a simple cold." His mind was fuzzy due to the fever, but it was too much trouble to get up and grab a cool patch or ask for one. Instead, he played stubborn, folding his arm over his face as he exhaled. "I’ll get over it.”

“Whatever you say.” Namie huffed as she placed the now-clean dishes on the dish rack. “I’m going to go now." She declared as she strode over to grab her things and headed for the door. "Don’t message me if you need anything.” With a casual yet snarky tone, the long-haired woman commented as she reached the door, only to pause. Her hand stopped just above the door handle. “There’s more porridge in the fridge. Eat it before it spoils.” 

Izaya’s eyes lingered on the door a bit longer even after Namie had left. There went his last source of company—not that Izaya wanted Namie’s company. It was just easier to forget when someone else was around to distract him. 

Now, he was all alone with only his thoughts left to entertain him. 

Izaya laughed bitterly to himself as he felt a wave of drowsiness overtake him. It seemed that the medicine was finally inducing its effects. The raven gradually blinked his heavy eyelids close as the heaviness of sleep overrode his feverish mind just as a certain thought slipped in. 

_ I wonder what Shizu-chan is doing, now…?  _

~ ~

It was a rapid succession of ringing - the sounds of his doorbell having an aneurysm - which woke Izaya from his feverish slumber. Blinking his eyes open, Izaya groaned as he was barraged by the noise. That definitely did not help with his headache. 

Moody, exhausted, and ready to give whoever it was behind the door a piece of his mind, Izaya staggered up from the couch, with his blanket draped over his shoulders to keep him warm. However, in his feverish state, Izaya’s usual finesse and elegance were thrown down the drain as the man bumped into the coffee table at the side and tumbled over himself, straight into the wooden floor with a great crash. It hurt a ton, especially for Izaya’s knees and arms which took the brunt of the little accident. But, at least the noise was loud enough to cause whoever was behind the door to stop ringing his chime. 

With a sigh, Izaya pushed himself back onto his feet, readjusting the blanket around his shoulders before he resumed heading to the door. “Coming…!” He drew out a call to let the person on the other side of his front door know that he was alright and to dissuade them from ringing the doorbell like they had earlier. It was probably Shinra. Namie must have called him so she didn’t have to deal with her sick employer the next day and Shinra never really had much patience for much anything but his beloved Celty, so it would make sense why he had decided to assault Izaya’s eardrums with his incessant doorbell ringing. “Shinra... you're so noisy." He complained as he unlocked the door, but was met with a strange sight. It wasn’t Shinra’s usual clothes in front of him and that sudden revelation caused the feverish raven’s eyes to slide up the person. "Did Namie-san call…” Izaya trailed off, his lips slowing down as his eyes climbed up higher until he met a familiar sight. “...you...?" 

It wasn’t Shinra. 

Izaya froze up as his brain fired up and ran like a mile per minute. In front of him was none other than Shizuo. The handsome blonde was staring at him with an astonished look, looking just as surprised as Izaya felt behind those distinct blue shades of his. Izaya couldn’t help but blink. 

What was Shizuo doing here? Izaya wracked his mind for any sort of explanation, but there weren’t any that fit. For one thing, he hasn’t done anything to Shizuo or anyone around him in a while. There was no plot happening at this time. Could it be that Shizuo was just there to blame him for something? No, Shizuo was acting too quiet for that—too calm. If it were that case, the blonde would have just broken down his door rather than gone through the trouble of ringing the bell. 

_ So, then, the only thing left this could be is… a dream.  _

Izaya concluded after much thought. This was a dream—it must be. But, which type? Perhaps, a persecution one? Or, could it be a sexual one? Or… even as little of a possibility it is… this could be one of those sweet ones. Regardless, now Izaya was a slave to whatever concoction of visages his REM sleep has cooked up for him. There was no use to fight it, he should just let things happen. 

“Ah,” Snapping out of his daze, Izaya releases a small exhale. “... Okay, I’ll humor you.” With those words as a sort of promise or deal, Izaya straightened his back and allowed his usual smirk to curve up his lips. “What can I help you with, Shi-zu-chan?~” 

“The hell is wrong with you?” Shizuo grumbled as he loitered in the doorway. Though his mood seemed sour, it wasn’t the typical rage Shizuo usually possessed for him. A chill ran down Izaya’s spine at the possible twists this dream could take. 

At the question, Izaya couldn’t help but admit that sardonic thought of his he kept tucked away deep within his mind. "Lots of things!~" He snickered as he opened the door wider, to allow Shizuo inside. When he had done so, his blanket began to slip off his shoulder in the process, but he managed to quickly grip it before it fell on the floor. 

“No kidding.” Shizuo still refused to budge from his place in the doorway. 

Not hearing footsteps following him, Izaya looked over his shoulder to puzzle over the quiet blonde. "Shizu-chan?" He called out to the taller man. Shizuo was just standing in the entrance looking all confused. Honestly, what a cute expression. If only Shizu-chan would show him faces like this more often than those scowls he liked to throw at him. "What are you waiting for? Come on." 

Shizuo looked troubled as he finally walked into Izaya’s apartment. He gently shut the door after he had walked in, and Izaya couldn’t remember a time he had seen Shizuo so docile. He looked downright sheepish as he said “I wanted to talk to you.” 

_ Talk?  _ Izaya tilted his head as the thought had escaped his lips. “ _ Talk _ ?” This was a first. In most of Izaya’s dreams, Shizuo never did much talking. At most, there were the whispered fake promises of Izaya’s imaginations, and at least, there was some sort of physical contact. Nothing like how the situation is going now. It piqued Izaya’s interest and threw him off all the same. So, he answered with his usual flippant tone but with a spark of interest before he dragged his blanket wrapped body over to the couch. “Sure, sure! Whatever you want.” The blanket was getting annoying. It was doing more harm than good in terms of his image at the moment, though it didn’t really matter since it was a dream. Regardless, Izaya threw the thing unceremoniously on top of the couch before he plopped down on the cushion himself. He may as well get comfy as he enjoyed the show, and Shizuo too. “Let’s sit down.~” Izaya goaded the blonde over, patting on the cushion beside him. 

Shizuo gave a glance to the door, but he eventually joined Izaya on the couch. He sat too far away for Izaya’s tastes, a sharp contrast from the usual proximity they shared in Izaya’s subconscious. But, Izaya didn’t complain. He couldn’t ask for more than having Shizu-chan bless his dreams. “So?” He prodded as he leaned against the couch with his lips curved up into a smirk. However, Shizuo didn’t answer back. Instead, all he did was stare right back at him, straight into his eyes. 

Those usually rage-ridden golden eyes were piercing through him with their calmness, something that made Izaya’s heart flutter and body hotter. Izaya licked his dry lips. They were so close, but so far. 

Shizuo wasn’t even really paying attention to his actions any more, too deep into their staring contest to respond as Izaya gave in a little and inched closer to him. “Shizu-chan…?” He tried, but the blonde still didn’t respond as Izaya got closer and closer. Now, he was close enough to touch. Shizuo was so close and the temptation was high in Izaya’s mind as his fingers twitched for anything even if it was something small. 

"Shizu-chan?" Izaya tried again as his deft hand slid up to Shizuo’s shoulder, landing on it gently. His fingers feathered over the clothes for a moment as his other hand rose up. Just as Izaya began to wave his free hand in Shizuo’s face, to draw the blonde out of his daze, he allowed his other hand the pleasure of pressing down a bit firmer to feel Shizuo’s muscled shoulder in its grasp. The heat from Shizuo’s body seemed to seep into Izaya’s own making him dangerously warm. Izaya licked his lips again. 

Shizuo looked surprised by Izaya’s actions. He appeared apprehensive, uncertain, so vulnerable. It was as though Izaya had the upper hand and Shizuo was at his mercy. Izaya watched as the other’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, before Shizuo spoke, “I just… wanted to see you.” 

Shizuo always had a way of flipping the scale in his favor though. Izaya was blown away by those words.  _ He… wanted to see me…? _ His eyes were wide in astonishment as he stared back at Shizuo. "Eh...?" It was like his mind had gone and froze up, like when a computer experiences an error and needs to load. That was the state he was thrown into by Shizuo. Even if this was a dream, something like this was unprecedented. It was almost like a miracle. 

_ Shizuo _ had actually wanted to see  _ him _ …! 

“Uh…” Again, Shizuo seemed to be at a loss for words. “You’ve been pissing me off a lot lately. More than usual and I wanted to get to the bottom of it.” 

A wave of disappointment passed through Izaya as his earlier mood fell from those words.  _ Ah, of course. Of course, it was this sort of dream… _ It hadn’t been a miracle after all. It was just the usual… again. “Oh, I see…” He muttered out, impassively as his dejected mood took over. 

As if Shizuo would ever have feelings for him. Why did he get his hopes up over some stupid words? The brute has always been a bit too short with his words. He should have expected this. 

It was just another dream of Shizuo coming to vent his anger on him. 

“... it’s this type of dream, huh?”

Well, there was nothing wrong with this sort of dream too, now was there? 

However, the dream Shizuo didn’t quite react as Izaya had expected. Shizuo’s eyes widened, “Huh? This isn’t a dream Iza—“ 

Izaya didn’t want to hear the end of that. 

Before Shizuo could finish, the raven had leaned in. His free hand reached out for Shizuo’s cheek, caressing it gently, as his other hand squeezed Shizuo’s shoulder where it rested. He closed his eyes in the process, afraid of what he would see as he whispered out a plea, “Shizu-chan…” 

_ Please stay quiet.  _

_ Please let me have this.  _

_ Please indulge me.  _

Desperately, Izaya pressed his lips against Shizuo’s, savoring the touch of it. Unlike the other recollections of his dreams, this time those lips were a bit rough, but not enough to be uncomfortable. Yet, they were warmer than the other times and more firm against his own. Even if this dream was like the others, where Izaya would gladly allow - if not beg - Shizuo to have his way with him, he would savor it. Because, in the end, it all boiled down to one thing—

—At least Shizu-chan would be fucking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Oh boi, oh boi, oh boi!
> 
> Abby Rose: Oh I feel so cruel that we left this chapter off in the same place the last one ended, but I gotta say it does fill me with fiendish delight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Totally did not almost forget to post-  
> Abby Rose: Shhh! They'll know if you say that!

Shizuo felt his heart leap when Izaya’s lips met his own. The world seemed to shift. His breath was taken away. He had come here to settle his feelings, yet it seemed he was only muddling his brain further. Izaya was kissing him. This was exactly the sort of thing that had been on his mind lately, that had caused so many problems for him. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to make Izaya stop. He let Izaya’s lips slide over his own and press into them, suck them. He felt his head begin to buzz at the sensation, and instinctively an arm wrapped around Izaya’s waist. 

Somewhere between the first press of their lips to the arm Shizuo had thrown around Izaya, the smaller man had climbed onto his lap with both of his hands holding his cheeks. His slender fingers would gently caress his face before they slid into his messy blonde locks, intertwining with the little tuffs. Every few seconds, the raven would release Shizuo’s lips only to press back into them with unforeseen fervor. Shizuo had never seen Izaya so desperate before and it was over something like Shizuo’s lips. 

Though Shizuo’s rational mind told him to push Izaya out of his lap and sprint for Ikebukuro, it was quickly drowned out by the lustier parts of him, which had largely been dormant until this whole mess started. Shizuo couldn’t help but join Izaya in deepening the kiss, even going so far as to spread his lips and run his tongue along Izaya’s bottom lip. 

“Shizu-chaaan.~” Izaya moaned into him, his lips parting. Those auburn eyes of his were half-lidden and filled with some sort of fog that Shizuo couldn’t put his finger on. But, it drove him further. 

Shizuo’s tongue breached Izaya’s lips and eagerly explored his mouth. The inside of It was hot, perhaps unnaturally so, but Shizuo didn’t think much of it at the time. He was too deep within the feeling of Izaya’s tongue tangling with his. They danced, with Izaya’s warmer tongue gliding against his own for a bit, wrapping around and twirling while Shizuo reciprocated. Shizuo mimicked him in this. He sucked on Izaya’s tongue as he massaged it with his own, continuously so for what felt like eternity yet could have only been a couple of minutes tops. Shizuo could feel his blood begin to sizzle and he had to pull away to take a breath. 

Upon parting, Shizuo panted to regain his breath. There was a string of drool that lingered a bit longer, linking his tongue to Izaya’s which sat behind his parted lips. Sometime during it all, Shizuo had closed his eyes, but, now, as he released Izaya from their kiss, he opened them, watching the linking drool between them thin and fall. He licked his lips, savoring the last of the lingering sensation as his eyes focused on Izaya. 

The smaller man had his eyes closed still. His cheeks were flushed bright red and he was breathing quite heavily still. Shizuo supports Izaya, allowing the raven to lean against him as he catches his breath. In the moment, the blonde’s hand reached up to stroke through Izaya’s silky short hair as he listened to the man breathe. Shizuo’s body was still abuzz from the kiss. He was electrified and panting hard as Izaya rested against his chest. It took a moment for Shizuo to regain his grip on reality, to realize that what had just happened had been real. Izaya was truly in his arms right now. This was no story, no dream, no fantasy, but real life. Even if in this world Izaya was his enemy, he still felt the desire to kiss him again, to continue the passion he had felt in their kiss until he was spent. Shizuo barely registered the caresses he was running through Izaya’s locks until his fingers brushed against the other’s forehead. The heat radiating from his skin was enough to pull Shizuo out of his reverie. Shizuo spread his palm out over Izaya’s forehead. It was hot. 

"Izaya…?" Shizuo muttered out the question as he gave the other man a shake. However, Izaya didn't rouse or even react to the shake and continued to heavily breathe with his eyes closed. “Izaya.” He asserted more forcefully, giving Izaya a harder shake, and still the smaller man did not awake. Shizuo felt his forehead with his hand once more. The heat radiating off of him definitely wasn’t normal. “Shit.” 

He had a fever—and a high one at that. 

Swiftly, Shizuo maneuvered one of his arms under Izaya’s knees while securing the other around his back before he slid off the couch. Where was Izaya’s room? Shizuo whipped his head around and paced around the room. He couldn’t just have Izaya lay on the couch, even if it was more comfortable than his own, Izaya was sick. He needed to be in bed, tucked under a blanket. But, Shizuo didn’t know much more than the layout of the first floor of Izaya’s condo - which held his office, living room, and kitchen all on display for whoever would visit. He didn’t know anything beyond that. Feeling impatient, the blonde continued to stomp through the apartment, searching for anything that could resemble Izaya’s room, when his eyes stopped on the staircase leading to the second floor. That’s when a certain revelation came to him. 

_ Ah—didn’t Izaya’s stories say that his room was upstairs…? _

With nothing else to work with, Shizuo determined his next destination and started to climb up the stairs with Izaya in his arms. The blonde had a steady balance, despite both of his hands securing the fainted man, he didn’t need to watch his step or touch the railing to make his way onto the next floor. It was most likely due to all his chases with said man in his arms that trained such balance. Upon reaching the second floor, Shizuo searched through the few doors, ducking his head in to check what each held until he found Izaya’s bedroom. He sighed out in relief when he finally found the right room. He quickly made his way to the bed and laid Izaya out on the mattress. 

_ What next? _ Shizuo watched Izaya’s sleeping figure for a moment as he assessed his next move. He probably should try to get his fever down. A cold rag should help. Shizuo walked to the en-suite he knew Izaya had and grabbed a washcloth from the linen closet. He ran cool water over the rag before returning to Izaya’s side. Shizuo gently brushed Izaya’s bangs clear of his face and placed the wet towel onto his forehead. Then, he left the room again to the kitchen and searched for a large bowl or bucket of some sort, finding a large bowl used for hot pot usually. Now, it was going to be used for ice cold water, though. Shizuo filled the bowl with some ice from Izaya's freezer before filling it with cold water. Afterward, carefully balancing it, he brought it back up to where Izaya lay on his bed. 

Putting the bowl down on the nightstand, Shizuo retrieved the cloth from Izaya’s head. It was already warm despite only being on the raven's head for a few minutes. Frowning, the blonde went to work. He cooled the cloth in the ice water he had brought with him, squeezing it mostly dry before he gently placed it on the feverish forehead of Izaya's. 

Shizuo gently settled himself on the mattress, careful not to disturb Izaya as he did so. Despite the fever, Izaya’s face was serene. Shizuo had never noticed before, but Izaya’s features were attractive. He had a handsome face, sharp outlines, and a lithe body. He had never noticed how appealing it was before, but now that he had a moment of peace with Izaya and several fics under his belt, he couldn’t deny that Izaya looked good. Shizuo let a heavy sigh seep out of his chest. His mind wandered back to the heated kiss they had shared just minutes before. There was no question about it to him, he had liked kissing Izaya. It was hot, it was passionate, and he would do it again in a heartbeat. His gaze traveled back down to the sleeping Izaya and immediately his thoughts softened. He wasn’t too bad when he was unconscious. He was cute. He seemed soft and gentle. Shizuo felt as though he could curl up behind him and hold him in his arms. He wouldn’t, but a part of him wanted to. He wasn’t sure what any of this meant, but he felt taking care of Izaya wasn’t so bad. It was calming. Satisfying in some way he didn’t understand at all. 

His brows furrowed. He could admit to himself that he was attracted to Izaya, that he wanted him in carnal ways he had never felt so strongly before. But, what about something deeper? The sort of feelings that kept Shizuo by Izaya’s side, in sickness and in health, like he was now? Shizuo found himself leaning in towards Izaya. His gaze was on Izaya’s lips. Could this be real?

"Nnn…" 

Shizuo jumped back as soon as the noise left Izaya.

"Nnn... too cold..." Not even acknowledging the presence on his bed, Izaya wiggled drowsily, as if in search of something. The feverish man squirmed in place for a bit until he curled up on his side facing Shizuo. He, then, does the unthinkable. The half-conscious man wiggled closer to the blonde until they were almost touching before he stopped. A faint smile graced Izaya's lips. "Warm..."

There was a jolt in Shizuo’s chest. Then, there was his own feeling of warmth which flooded him and made him feel as though he were glowing. It was akin to the feeling he had gotten in that dream, the one where Izaya had told him that he loved him. Shizuo moved to grab Izaya’s cover, which he gently pulled up around Izaya’s body to tuck him in.

This action, though, had screwed over Shizuo's need for not facing Izaya. "Nnn… mnnn? Where…?" Groggy mutterings escaped from the feverish raven now tucked in the bed. Izaya blinked up dazedly, catching sight of a familiar head of bleached blonde hair. "... Shizu-chan…?" 

Shizuo paused for a moment, before quietly replying. “Go to sleep, Izaya, you’re sick.”

However, the feverish Izaya did not seem to understand Shizuo's words as he stared blankly up at the blonde. Then, he broke out into a light giggle. "Hehe… Shizu-chan… is still here…~" Izaya garbled out. "I'm still dreaming then… good…" A smile settled on Izaya’s lips as he blinked tiredly. "Hey… Shizu-chan…?"

“What... what is it?”

"Since… you aren't real Shizu-chan… you'll listen… right?" Izaya muttered out the question slowly. "If I ask… you'll stay with me… right…?" 

Shizuo’s heart throbbed in his chest. Izaya wanted him, and Shizuo’s heart could feel it. He wanted him, too.

"At least... until this dream..." Izaya continued to slowly blink his eyes, struggling to stay awake. "... is over...?"

Shizuo found himself nodding. “I’ll stay, Izaya. Just sleep, I’ll be right here.” Shizuo whispered his promise, and then pulled the cover back. He crawled next to Izaya, and pulled his body close to his.

He felt Izaya’s breathing steady into slumber as Izaya fell asleep in his arms. His head was resting against Shizuo’s chest, close enough for Shizuo to kiss if he tried. He had prod enough now that Izaya had feelings for him, but so much still didn’t match the Izaya he had known for years. He had to know who it was resting in his arms. Who was Izaya really? Shizuo could tell there were sides to him he never knew. But he did know at least one thing in this whole mess he found himself in. 

This feeling of Izaya in his arms was the best he had ever felt.

~ ~

_ So warm… _

That was the first thought Izaya had in his mind when he roused from his slumber and entered a half-asleep state. He felt warmer than he usually would. His usual fluffy comforter usually never got this warm. Perhaps, it was due to his fever? But, if so, his head would still be pounding, yet all he felt was ease. Besides, it wasn't like  _ he _ felt warm. No, it was more like there was something in front of him that was providing him warmth, like a hot water bottle. Yes, that was it—it must be a large hot water bottle, one that could wrap around him and keep him nice and warm from last night to the morning. 

_ Do I even have a hot water bottle? _

If he recalled correctly, his last hot water bottle had been seized by his younger sisters a few months prior when they called in sick then proceeded to selfishly parade through his house whining to be taken care of. 

Then, what exactly was he lying next to?

At the thought, Izaya snapped his eyes open, coming face-to-face with something so astonishing that he thought his heart would stop. His breath hitched as he found himself in none-other-than Shizuo's arms, with the blonde's face up-close and personal. Both the proximity and the presence itself caused him to hold his breath. What was Shizuo doing here?! In his bed?!

That was when the previous day's feverish dream came flashing back to him. 

Izaya laid there in cold sweat, his face paling as he realized that his dream may not have been a dream. If that was so, then… he had kissed Shizuo, hadn't he?! 

He was dead. 

As soon as the brute woke up, he was so dead. There was no way Shizuo would allow him to live after what he had done. 

_ Well, at least I got to actually kiss him for real before I die though… _

Resigned to his fate, Izaya's eyes wandered up to Shizuo's peaceful sleeping face. He looked so relaxed, it was hard to imagine that he would ever look like this sleeping beside his sworn nemesis—Izaya. But, here he was, in his full handsome glory with an arm around Izaya's waist, holding the lithe man close in deep sleep. Vaguely, Izaya wondered how much longer he had left to enjoy this moment before the protozoan awoke. Unfortunately, this was answered soon after. 

Shizuo grumbled, as he so often did when he awoke from sleep. His eyes took a moment to adjust, his brain took a moment to register where he was. The past few hours came rolling back to him like the crashing sea, and his eyes widened as he stared at Izaya, who was staring right back at him.

“Morning, Shizu-chan.~" Izaya internally screamed as his mouth moved on its own to greet the just-awoken protozoan with his usual suggestive smirk.

Shizuo felt a chill shudder down his spine. The atmosphere was wrong, this was unnatural on so many levels. They had kissed - made out more like it - and Shizuo had joined Izaya in his bed. Izaya fell asleep in his arms and now they were waking up together after a nice nap. Facing Izaya like this, now with his eyes fully focused, filled Shizuo with unease. “A-are you feeling better?” He croaked out.

The fact that he hadn't already had his face punched into his own bed left Izaya in shock, but Shizuo asking him about how he felt pushed him off the cliff into greater bewilderment. Dumbstruck, Izaya numbly blinked at Shizuo, expression blank before he nodded. "Yes... compared to yesterday..." Then, the informant put it together. Shizuo must have taken care of him during his feverish state which was why he was going easy on him. He could use this for his advantage. "Apologies; I must have caused you a lot of trouble, yesterday, Shizu-chan. Now, could you release me? It's getting too hot." 

“Oh, yeah.” Shizuo quickly retracted his arm from around Izaya’s waist. He averted his eyes away from the raven and stared somewhere at the wall in front of him. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Did Izaya even remember what happened last night? Should Shizuo tell him? Should he act like it never happened? No... Shizuo knew he didn’t like that last one, as much as the vast unknown before him scared the shit out of him.

Izaya sat up as soon as Shizuo had released him, stretching his arms out towards his feet to hide the slight shivers through his skin. He could still feel his body tingling at Shizuo's touch, craving for more. But, he didn't allow it. He couldn't blow his cover now. If Shizuo didn't acknowledge yesterday's events, then that meant he could play it off as his fever making him act up. It was the perfect excuse and Izaya wasn't going to let it slip away. He had to maintain appearances to keep what little he had to salvage. After a couple of more stretches, Izaya slid off the side of the bed and started paddling towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Shizuo asked, still snugly in the bed.

"To make coffee," Izaya answered nonchalantly, only to pause for a moment, then continued. "... and breakfast. I don't want to be in your debt."

Shizuo swallowed roughly. He nodded. “Thanks...” The word fell out of his mouth, awkward and deformed. “I’ll be right down.”

Izaya left without answering, leaving Shizuo in his bed. 

Shizuo made his way to the bathroom. He quickly relieved himself before wiping handfuls of water on his face. He couldn’t believe he was about to eat breakfast with Izaya after spending an entire night with him. It was...  _ normal _ . Which was entirely abnormal. Still, beneath the swirling unease in his stomach, there was a small seed of excitement. He made his way downstairs to the kitchen.

“Just wait at the table.” called out Izaya. The raven didn’t even turn to glance at him as he fluently graced around the kitchen. One moment, he was placing coffee grinds into the coffee machine and, the next, he was at the stove making breakfast—and, from the smell of it, that would be french toast. 

“It smells good.” Shizuo commented on the breakfast Izaya was making for him as he sat down. Shortly after, the raven joined him, bringing over a plate of steaming hot french toast covered delightfully with white sugar after being freshly fried crispy, coated with egg. Izaya set such a plate before Shizuo along with a cup of coffee with some milk in it before sliding into his own seat with a mug of coffee of his own, but black. 

Shizuo watched Izaya sit down before he reached for his own plate. He cautiously brought a forkful of French toast to his mouth. “Wow... it’s really good.” He nodded his approval as he chewed. 

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Izaya glowered at him as he took a sip from his coffee, "It's gross."

A small twinge of irritation sparked Shizuo’s nerves. Even if he was being nice to him, he was still Izaya it seemed. He was still annoying in that way only he could be. Shizuo couldn’t help but bring the elephant in the room to the forefront of the conversation. “... you didn’t find me gross last night.”

Izaya choked. He hastily placed his cup back on the table as he held a hand over his mouth and turned away from Shizuo, coughing into the back of his hand for a moment. Once he recovered from his little fit, he glared at Shizuo. "And... what could you mean by that?"

“You kissed me. Or do you not remember?” Shizuo could feel the tension begin to coalesce in the air. He felt the desperation start to build up, his need to get to the bottom of this whole situation and figure out what the hell was really going on, both with Izaya and with himself. 

" _ Kissed you _ , you say?" Izaya leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs. "Perhaps, sleeping in bed with me has made you delirious, Shizu-chan? As if I would ever kiss you." He scoffed at the end with a look of disgust.

“You practically shoved your tongue down my throat, I-zaa-ya.” Izaya’s name rumbled out of him like a growl. This prick just had to be oh-so self-righteous that he couldn’t admit something that was undeniable. Whether the kiss meant anything or not, there was no way to deny it happened. “You were all over me. Then you passed out.”

"Well, isn't someone full of himself?" Izaya’s eyebrow twitched slightly at the accusations Shizuo threw at him. Yes—he had been all over him. Izaya remembered clearly despite his feverish haze. But, it was not something he could so easily admit when he had already begun acting like he knew nothing of it. There was no way he would break the current balance between him and Shizuo. "You know confidence without any actual backing is just arrogance, right?" Izaya shook his head exasperatedly like he was looking at someone hopeless. He sat there like that for an awkward second before his hands crawled for his coffee mug again and he brought the warm, bitter drink to his lips to ease his own tension and appear naturally calm. 

Shizuo was silently staring at him with an indecipherable gaze that unnerved him. It made him antsy. Just what could the protozoan be thinking? The hot coffee ran down his throat, warming his body—that was why he was so warm. After a few seconds of ensuing tension, Izaya was unable to take the silence and spoke up, reluctantly. "If I really did kiss you as you said… I must have been sick beyond my mind yesterday—that's all there is to it."

Shizuo swallowed his rising anger. He knew Izaya was full of bullshit. He just had to make him admit it as well. He threw down the gauntlet. “Then what about your stories?”

If it weren’t for the coffee in his hands, Izaya would have jolted in shock from hearing such a thing from Shizuo. "Stories?" A mask of obliviousness covered Izaya as he tilted his head. "And, what stories could you ever be talking about?"

Shizuo’s temple began to twitch. “The ones you’ve written about us. I found them, Izaya.”

Izaya held a puzzled silence, looking as if he was searching his mind for whatever Shizuo could be talking about, and once he had found it, he allowed his expression to brighten like a light bulb had been switched on. "Ah! You mean all those little stories our little fans around the city write? Oh, Shizu-chan, I wouldn't waste what little brain cells you have on them." He shook his head with a light laugh. "They're just having some harmless fun, even if it is at our expense. Really! What are those humans even thinking?" He huffed as a light fit of giggles rumbled through him before he exclaimed. "Us—together?! The very thought of it makes me laugh!" Then, he actually laughed. The laughter rang through the silent apartment for a while before it died off along with Izaya’s tone, becoming more wistful. "They believe it's so sweet... like we’re some set of star-crossed lovers—the next Romeo and Juliet! Ha... ahahaha—" He broke out into mad laughter again. Shizuo’s face crinkled into a grimace as he watched Izaya start to break. It was the same Izaya he had despised for years, no hint of the man who Shizuo could possibly have feelings for. The raven’s laughter subsided given a few silent minutes. He came to lean forward, placing his elbow on the dining table which he propped his cheek on. "Don't you think it's hilarious too, Shizu-chan?"

“Quit dancing around the subject. You can’t distract me. I’ve read your stories too, Izaya.” Shizuo was now a beast, stalking his prey, moments before he lunged in to make the kill. “I know all about the sick little fantasies you have about me.”

Izaya’s smirk dropped as he tilted his face downward, no longer staring at Shizuo, instead, finding the dining table much more interesting. His eyes narrowed as they focused on the swirl of darkness in his mug sitting on the table. 

What did Shizuo know? He had read his stories, his dreams, his fantasies. Why couldn’t he just allow him to dream a little longer? Was there a need to drag it out into reality when no harm was being done? It wasn’t like he was doing anything directly to Shizuo in this case. He was just indulging himself. Couldn’t he have that at least? 

Apparently not—not by the looks of Shizuo’s interrogation, at least. Izaya felt more bitter than the black sludge in his mug as he gritted out. "You know nothing."

“Really?” As Shizuo stood, his chair shot out from beneath him, slamming into the adjacent wall. He glared at Izaya from across the table. His eyes were simmering with rage and the crazed gleam of murder. “I know you want me to grab you, right now. You want me to kiss you. You want me to touch you. You want me to fuck you. You want it hard, you want it to hurt. You want me to ravage you like the monster you say that I am.” —In for the kill. 

_ Really, that was all he got out of it?  _ Izaya couldn’t help but laugh out loud. "Haha...ha... is that so?" It wasn’t the hysterical one he had earlier, it was slower, more drawn out; darker. "That's what I want, huh?" He chuckled at his own words, cynically. 

“Isn’t it, Izaya?”  _ Is it? Is this all that you want? _

There was no point to this “discussion”. No matter how much Izaya tried, this was the end-of-the-line for him—it seemed. The balance was broken. "Yeah… you're right, Shizu-chan." It was broken right under Izaya’s nose. "All I want is…” Now, it was hard for him to breathe. “...That monster in you."

Shizuo’s chest rose and fell with his breathing, like an animal after the hunt. He said nothing, just glared at Izaya for a moment more. Without a word, he walked out of Izaya’s kitchen, through his living room, and out the front door. 

**Slam!**

The floor shook with the impact of the door shutting behind Shizuo. It left Izaya to the emptiness of his own home, all alone. Cradled by the silence, Izaya tucked one of his legs to his chest as he buried his face into his knee. Squeezing his eyes closed as hard as he could—so, he wouldn’t feel the wet trails escaping his eyelids—he exhaled shakily. "... Who am I kidding?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: *whistles*  
> Abby Rose: Muhahahaha 😈


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Woohoo! Next chapter folks~  
> Abby Rose: Enjoy!

Shizuo walked the entire way home, from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro, without stopping. His stomps earned stares from passing civilians who instinctively cleared the way for him. All throughout his trek, Shizuo’s glare remained plastered on his face, his anger still sizzling in his veins. His irritation towards Izaya was still at its peak when he approached his block and headed for his apartment. Of course, Izaya had to make a confusing situation all the more difficult. The fucking louse couldn’t just come clean about the damn feelings Shizuo knew he had. Shizuo slammed his front door behind him, finally reaching the tranquility of his own home. He felt some of his anger dissipate from just this. It was enough for him to be able to look back on that morning without breaking something. 

And the morning had been nice, in the beginning. Waking up with Izaya had been nice. Strange, yes, but warm nonetheless. He had liked falling asleep beside Izaya, liked having him right in his arms. When he wasn’t talking, or coherent, he was surprisingly pleasant. Kissing him was pleasant, too. More than pleasant. It had felt like a fire had been lit inside of him and the only fuel was Izaya’s mouth. The whole situation had been exactly what he’d been dreaming about these past weeks, and it was just as good as he had imagined. 

Except when it came to breakfast. As soon as he had confronted Izaya about his feelings, he denied it. He wouldn’t give Shizuo what he wanted - the affirmation that this could be more than simple lust, that it could be something worth chasing after. 

Shizuo found himself angry about that more than anything else. Did Izaya’s obsession merely stem from physical desire? Did he want nothing but sex from Shizuo? That was now the answer Shizuo wanted most, and he had not been satisfied with the result. 

Shizuo collapsed into his worn couch, feeling as though the entire world was weighing down on him. All his life, he had never wanted someone like this, and now that he did, he couldn’t have him. Shizuo had never been more frustrated in his life. Or disappointed. He decided to wallow in his misery for a while, staring around his lonely apartment as he did so. 

After a while, the numbness started to settle in. He felt nothing but empty as he sat and stared. His stomach must have felt empty as well because he felt a loud rumble shudder through it. _Oh, that’s right._

He hadn’t finished breakfast. 

His mind immediately went back to the breakfast Izaya had made for him. The sweet taste of the french toast came back to him, coaxing out another rumble from his stomach. Izaya’s cooking really had been delicious, which was odd considering he didn’t eat sweet things. 

_Wait—then why had he made french toast for breakfast?_

Looking back on it, Izaya had only served breakfast to Shizuo. Which meant… Izaya had only cooked _for him_. 

Why had he cooked for him when he wasn’t eating himself? 

Now that Shizuo thought about it—things had been going well until he had brought up the kiss from before; when prodded, Izaya had pulled back. He couldn’t admit to Shizuo what had happened. Or, more accurately, what the event suggested Izaya felt. 

Could it be that Izaya was too scared to admit it? 

Shizuo couldn’t blame him for that. However, Shizuo was too riled up when he had confronted Izaya about his feelings and it had only put Izaya on the defensive. Admitting to his feelings would have shattered the last fragile piece of resolve Izaya had. _He was probably just trying to protect himself._ Shizuo ran a hand through his messy hair. _Shit—_ He could understand that. 

Shizuo himself had been reluctant over the whole matter - mostly because it was Izaya - in order to truly grasp his feelings. He hadn’t wanted to face Izaya until he was sure he wanted to know. Izaya had no choice in the matter, the reality of his feelings had been thrown right into his face.

Of course, this was all true only if Izaya really did have feelings for Shizuo. 

But, now with his mind clear, Shizuo was able to pick up on the finer details of Izaya’s reaction. His laughs had been real, Shizuo could tell, but they seemed to be disconnected from the subject at hand, as though he was laughing about something else. His diatribe seemed insincere, and Shizuo was pretty certain he had been lying when he said he didn’t remember the kiss. He had been hiding something, there was no doubt, and Shizuo felt that he had a strong guess as to what that was. 

~ ~

When Namie arrived at the office just before lunch - to check up on her sick boss - she was faced with an unexpected sight. 

At least, Izaya seemed to feel better than yesterday. Well, if you could call _that_ better, that is. The thin raven-haired man laid flat down on his couch; his face buried in one of his throw pillows. The man hadn’t even lifted his head to greet her when she entered the place. No insults, no snarky comments, no annoying chirping—none of it. 

There was definitely something wrong with him. 

Unfortunately, for Namie, it seemed she had to find out just what. Putting down her stuff, Namie scoured the apartment, noting various odd things that didn’t immediately match up. "Someone came over?" She released the inquiry into the silent air. 

This didn’t go ignored, though. Thankfully, it seemed to rouse the man slumped on the couch, who groaned. "Nnn..." 

"Izaya,” Exasperated, Namie huffed. “I can see the leftover french toast in the trash." Her foot was on the trash can’s lever, revealing the partially eaten slab of french toast sitting undisturbed inside the bin. She gave her employer a puzzled eyebrow raise."You don't even like french toast."

"Go away, Namie-san.” Still not lifting his face, Izaya grumbled. “Cancel my meetings. Take the day off." 

"You aren't even sick, are you?” The woman marched over to her employer, giving him a quick inspection and determined that, indeed, he wasn’t physically unwell anymore. Mentally was a whole other ballpark. She sighed, ”What are you whining about now?"

Izaya was silent though, unwilling to respond. If the secretary wanted to get anywhere, she would need to probe the man herself. "Who was it? Your sisters again?"

Again, the raven stayed silent. However, after a few seconds, he muttered out. "... Yeah."

Namie continued to stare at the back of her employer’s head, considering the way Izaya had replied before she huffed. "So, it isn't that; you didn't deny it." 

Ignoring Namie’s efforts to analyze his issues, Izaya waved lackadaisically. "While you're at it, be a dear and take out the trash?" Izaya groaned as he finally pushed himself up to sit up straight rather than lay flat on his face. He pressed a hand over his forehead, lightly massaging it like he was trying to ease his nerves. "Just looking at it makes me sick"

The long-haired woman stared at the resigned man who leaned back into the couch, now covering his eyes with his forearm. Izaya was acting weird—weirder than normal. It was like she was seeing a broken version of the man she knew loved to laugh hysterically as he burned his own possessions and ranted about his love for humanity—who dreams of love from someone he proclaimed a monster and yearns for that same man’s attention. It was a gross shell of the Orihara Izaya she knew—and Namie felt more distaste towards it than her employer’s usual self. "What are you and what have you done to Orihara Izaya?"

Not appreciating her sardonic sense of humor, Izaya groaned. "Just leave me alone." He didn’t want to deal with Namie and her prodding, not now—he didn’t have the energy to. Nor did he have the energy to force her away. All he could do was stare distantly, blankly into his eyelids as he nursed his broken spirit. 

At least his eyes didn’t sting anymore.

The secretary stood there in silence for a moment before doing as Izaya had asked and took out the trash, leaving him alone again. At last—he was alone _again_. Izaya sighed as he slumped further into the couch, his arm falling unceremoniously to his side. 

Just what was he doing? 

He had slipped up, that's what—first, the kiss; the feverish make out session he had instigated; waking up to Shizuo beside him in bed; cooking breakfast for him. Izaya had really gone and done it all. 

_It would have been nice… if we could have at least finished breakfast…_

Izaya lamented at the turn of events, where Shizuo had questioned him about yesterday's fever-driven kiss and then dropped the bomb of having discovered Izaya’s stories about them. _How did he find those anyway?_ It didn't particularly matter, though—it was all spilled milk in the end. 

The click of the front door closing and the harsh tap of Namie's heels woke Izaya from thoughts. Now vulnerable, the raven tilted his head to stare back into Namie’s face in a daze. The woman looked as if she was analyzing him, her sharp eyes scanning his expression and body language. 

"It was that monster, wasn't it?" Her words resounded through the spacious apartment as the two continued their little staredown in heavy silence. After a couple of seconds more, Izaya curled away from the woman's attention and this signaled Namie to move on. "You actually let him in?" She questioned in a flabbergasted tone as she stalked to her work desk. "And what? Did you confess to him or something? Confess and get rejected?"

Reaching her desk with no response from Izaya, Namie twirled around to lean against the top and give her employer's back a questioning stare. 

Izaya fiddled with the couch cushion, running his slender fingers against the smooth fabric as if for comfort. He stayed like that, circling his fingers around the softness and enjoying the friction along his palm when he smoothed over the surface. He honestly wasn't in the mood for Namie’s jabs—yet, at the same time, what did he care anymore? "... No." 

"Then, what?" Irritated by Izaya's behavior, Namie snapped. However, the raven didn’t jump at this chance to even annoy her more and that offset the secretary. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she would take the usual irritating manchild for a boss than whatever this sorry sight was. "As amusing as it is to see you like this—" Namie sighed as she moved to sit at her desk, "Stop sulking already, I need you to take on jobs and pay my paychecks." 

Despite her makeshift consolation though, Izaya continued as he was before. His eyes were distant, resigned as he laid on his couch curled up on his side, back facing Namie. He didn't have the drive to do anything. There was too much swirling around in his head, in his chest. He couldn't summon the energy to even act _normal_ or drive his secretary out anymore. He just felt _broken_ —like a cracked vase that would shatter with a single tap. 

At her unresponsive boss, Namie sighed, massaging her temples. They would really get nothing done at this rate—at least, nothing done by Izaya. Glowering at the pitiful sulking man for a moment longer, the irritated woman released an almost silent hiss in her effort to calm down. There was no use in trying to wack some sense into whatever shell was left of her boss at the moment. No—all she could do was pick up the broken pieces and try to glue it together. "All right," She huffed as she stood up and walked over to where Izaya sat on the couch. "I'll cancel all your meeting today and handle the urgent tasks… but, _you_ —" Upon reaching where the raven lay, Namie pulled the man from his position and dragged him over to his own desk, pushing him into his favorite chair. "—go write out your feelings in those stupid stories of yours and get over it, already." Then, satisfied with her work, Namie left Izaya to get started with the tasks she had set for herself, starting with a couple of phone calls and emails to various clients. 

Izaya was still very silent as the sound of Namie over the phone and the keyboard clacking filled the once-silent apartment. He glowered at her, watching her work for a moment before he turned back to his dark computer screen. Namie was right—he couldn't stay like this forever. He couldn’t let Shizuo control his life like this when the brute already dictated so much of it. 

So, what if Shizuo rejected him? 

So, what if he shattered whatever hopes still lingered in him? 

So, what if the protozoan decided to mock his dreams? 

That didn't change anything from how the situation was before—the only thing that was different was that Shizuo was aware of Izaya's true feelings and that Izaya was aware that Shizuo was aware of them. It didn't change Izaya's feelings for the brute, and it didn't change the way Izaya released those urges. 

What better way to release his pain than to write about it? 

Izaya turned his computer on. 

~ ~

"—ey Shizuo?"

Tom tried for the tenth time to make small conversation with Shizuo. Perhaps he suggested a spot for lunch, maybe he asked why Shizuo was so out of it that day, maybe he was enthusing about the new girl he was dating. Shizuo couldn’t tell. His head was way too busy thinking about what had happened between him and Izaya only yesterday. He was still fixated on the breakfast Izaya made just for him. Peace. Something they had never shared, though that morning the very air was thick with it. Izaya had tried, and Shizuo had ruined it.

"Shizuo?" Tom called again, snapping Shizuo out of his trance.

“Huh?” Shizuo grunted in response, snapping out of his trance. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

Tom stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, it's nothing." The duo continued to stroll through the more quiet Ikebukuro street before the dreadlock man inquired. "How about you? You've been acting odd lately. Something on your mind?"

Shizuo shook his head. “I’m just going through some stuff right now. I’ll be fine. Sorry, I’ll focus on work.”

"Alright, if you say so... but know you can talk to me, okay?" Tom replied as they continued on their way. However, after Shizuo had spaced out for the umpteenth time, Tom had decided they should probably take a break and have lunch.

"Oh! Shizu-shizu!"

“Hmm?” Shizuo grunted out his greeting. He recognized the girl bounding up to him as he sat on a bench and didn’t eat his crepe. It was Erika. “Oh... hey.”

"What’s with the long face?" Erika asked as she plopped down next to him.

“Ah...” His mood was that palpable that even Erika could pick up on it? “I just haven’t been getting much sleep.”

"Ohoh.~" Erika smirked as she examined him. She had a gaze like she could uncover all of your secrets. "And, why could that be... is Shizu-shizu perhaps too distracted by _those_ thoughts to sleep at night?~ Well, you are a healthy young man, so..."

His face distorted at the nature of her suggestion. Though... she was accurate. He had been staying up later this past couple of weeks, indulging in the more mature stories Izaya had written. Shizuo hadn’t last night, however. His sleep was interrupted by the soft snores from a feverish man laying in his arms. “It’s nothing like that.” He growled back to her. He hoped she couldn’t smell the lie on his breath. His grip on the crepe tightened until some cream started to spill out. Everything. Absolutely everything reminded him of Izaya. He couldn’t even eat a fucking crepe without thinking of him. There was no way he would ever eat french toast again. It may even be a while until he could stomach any breakfast at all. That aside, he couldn’t help feeling a profound sense of loss which he kept lingering on. He felt as though he made a mistake that morning. There was a small shred of him that seemed frantic to make it right. He hoped this wasn’t obvious to Erika. Then, he remembered that she read the same stories he did. Shizuo must have been desperate enough to grasp for any common ground he could, because he admitted, “I’ve been reading...” He paused for a while. “I’ve been reading... Toudaimoto Kurashi.” 

That one sentence took a lot out of him. He hardly felt the moments pass until he realized that Erika had been silent for far too long. He reluctantly turned to read her expression. 

The sight of Erika's eyes was blown wide and her mouth dropped in a gape was all he could take in before he was distracted by the squeal that bubbled out of her. "YOU READ THEIR WORK TOO?!" The girl looked so amazed and like a sudden gust of wind she rambled on about her various favorite works that Izaya had written. She went on and on to the point that Shizuo wondered whether she would lose her voice before she at last cut off with a sudden thought that led her to gasp. "Wait—that means…! Shizu-shizu…!" Her lips perk up in an insufferable grin. "It's official! Shizu-shizu likes Iza-iza! I knew it!"

“Shut up!” Shizuo barked. God forbid if someone heard her! Though they would most likely ignore it as the crazy ramblings of an Otaku, then again she was saying that to Shizuo Heiwajima’s face and she wasn’t dead, which could out Shizuo all the same. “I don’t like him!” But saying that out loud, Shizuo knew it was a lie. His face crumpled into a fresh grimace.

For a moment, Erika did bide by the demand, however, not for long. "So, Shizu-shizu, what's your favorite? Personally, mine is probably… hmm… _Love is in the Eyes of the Beholder_!"

That title sounded familiar to Shizuo. It stuck in his mind simply because of how far-fetched it was. Izaya had gotten amnesia and eventually the two had gotten together... only to have it fall apart once Izaya regained his memories. Of course, something as wild as that would be what catches Erika’s eye. “I don’t really have a favorite…” Or at least, he never thought about it before. There were many stories that he liked, though. Some of the… sexier ones had a certain appeal to them that he found particularly strong, but the ones he enjoyed reading the most were the ones where Izaya and he were happy together. One, in particular, echoed in his mind the most. “But I have read _The Other Side_ a few times.” It was a sweet little story about the two of them spending a quiet night together. It was the sort of thing Shizuo longed for the most.

"Oh! That one is a good one!" Erika snapped her fingers with a bright smile, "You have great tastes, Shizu-shizu!"

“Thanks...” Shizuo hadn’t admitted that he enjoyed reading the stories to anyone - hardly even himself. It was a little nerve-wracking, but Erika met his confession with such an open - and even downright enthused - mind that it made him feel at ease about it. 

Shizuo looked down at his crepe, which had started to melt. “I’m on shift right now, so I should head back to Tom.” He gave Erika a nod and stood to toss out his crepe, but before he left Erika alone he added, “Please, don’t mention the stories to anyone, okay?” 

"Of course! Fellow Shizaya fans have to stick together!" Erika reassured, though her phrasing wasn't comforting at all. The fujoshi waved to Shizuo as he left. "Bye-bye!~"

Shizuo continued his workday, finishing just a few hours after he had left Erika. The sun was already hiding behind the skyscrapers surrounding him as he began his trek back home.

"Oh! It's Shizu-shizu!" Shizuo turned to the sound of a familiar squeal. There he discovered a brunette girl heading toward him with a group of three behind her. The slit-eyed boy behind her tried to stop her, but Erika was relentless on her approach. "Yahoo!~"

“Oh? Hey, Karisawa.” Shizuo heard the girl before she could pounce on him. He nodded behind her to the rest of her gang. “Hey Walker, Kadota. How’re you guys doing?”

"Good. How about you?" Kadota is the one to pick up the conversation as the rest of his group strolled over to him. 

“I’ve been good.” Shizuo lied, but he hoped nobody could pick up on it, save for Erika who already knew. 

"Shizu-shizu!" Abruptly, Erika interrupted the two older men, jumping into Shizuo's space with a mischievous grin. "Have you read Toudaimoto-sensei's newest piece yet?"

“‘Mm?!” A surge of fresh terror flashed red hot in his chest. “N-no!” What the hell?! She promised only hours earlier that she wouldn’t say anything! 

"Erika?!" Walker reacted quickly, dragging the girl away from the dangerous blonde as he hissed. "What are you saying?!"

"It's alright! It’s alright!" Erika only shrugged as she allowed her friend to pull her away.

“Karisawa...” Shizuo grumbled out her name, trying to remind the girl that _“don’t tell anyone”_ meant everyone that existed on the planet. 

"Erika—" Kadota began about to reprimand the girl, only to be cut off.

"It's fine, Dota-chin! Right, Shizu-shizu!~" Erika turned to Shizuo with a devilish grin as she giggled for a moment. Walker tightened his hold on her so she wouldn't escape, but that didn't stop her from continuing what she had started. "By the way, you should be prepared with tissues when you read the newest addition! You'll definitely need it—" The fujoshi was successfully silenced as Walker smacked a hand over her mouth, muffling whatever she was going to spill next, much to Shizuo's relief. 

“You know how she is... sorry about that, man.” Kadota grinned apologetically, but Shizuo could tell his expression was grateful as well. That normally would have been enough provocation to start a rampage. 

“Y-yeah. See you, guys.” A little shaken, but relieved that his guilty pleasure was still hidden from the populace, Shizuo nodded a farewell to Kadota’s group and continued on his way home. 

~ ~

Shizuo made his way home quickly, not stopping at all after leaving the van gang. Once home, he changed out of his work clothes and quickly heated up some leftovers he still had in the fridge from a few lunches ago. He ate quickly, not even tasting his dinner, just going through the motions so he could faster reach his relatively new method of release. 

He threw his dish into the sink, not even bothering to rinse or wash it. He made his way to the bedroom, peeled off his shirt, and placed it on his dresser for tomorrow. Then, he got into bed. Erika had said he would need tissues. He wasn’t quite certain why… but he did have a box handy on his nightstand, a new amenity which proved useful after Shizuo had to clean his sheets twice in one day. He stared at the box a little forlornly now, feeling guilty about the whole thing. He was about to read another story featuring him and Izaya in some situation that would never happen when only that morning he had Izaya in his arms. He could have given Izaya more of a chance, somehow, and then maybe he wouldn’t have to be sitting in bed alone reading about him and Izaya being together. Instead, he could actually be with him. 

But maybe that was too wishful of thinking. Whether the two of them wanted each other or not, there were years of bad blood between them. Even if they tried, they probably wouldn’t be able to make it work. Shizuo let out a deep sigh, and figuring it best to just let his mind wander elsewhere, he pulled up the new story on Izaya’s phone. 

It did little to assuage his thoughts. Quite the opposite, really. 

Izaya’s phone clattered to the ground.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: I totally did not almost forget to post the chapter.  
> Abby: And we totally didn’t intend to surprise you all by posting this chapter last weekend but forgot that too.

At first, Shizuo felt nothing. Next came the suffocating burn of desperate regret. 

_What had he done?_

This story had been different. 

It was darker than any Izaya had written before. The two of them were fighting, nothing that strayed far from their usual skirmishes in the streets of Ikebukuro—at first. But then, Izaya had set a trap for Shizuo. He sucked the oxygen out of the half-built structure Shizuo was in, and set a match to the place. Shizuo had narrowly missed getting blown up and, in turn, whacked Izaya through a building. The damage to Izaya’s body was extensive, so much so that he couldn’t get up after the hit. Using this chance, Shizuo had caught up to him and he wrapped his hands around the informant’s throat. Slowly, he squeezed the life out of Izaya and spoke those cursed words. 

_“I know all about the sick little fantasies you have about me. I know you want me to grab you, right now. You want me to kiss you. You want me to touch you. You want me to fuck you. You want it hard, you want it to hurt. You want me to ravage you like the monster you say that I am._ ” 

Shizuo repeated the words out loud; much more steady and impassive than the him of the story must have. He shut his eyes as his head filled with conjured images of the tale. 

It was like an old film. Izaya gazed up at him, the whites of his eyes spilling red with blood as it became harder and harder for him to breathe. His head was numbing, growing lighter; losing consciousness. But, that didn’t stop him—in fact, it probably encouraged him to give Shizuo a smirk—that smirk he hated so much. It was the most twisted in that moment, looking like Izaya, yet nothing like him at all. The tears in those carmine eyes spilled over and slid down his cheeks; warm and cold. For a moment, it looked as if he was going to speak with how his lips parted, but he only went limp in Shizuo’s grasp. The light in his eyes faded. 

Izaya was dead. 

Shizuo had killed him. 

What was this utterly horrid sensation vibrating within him? Those words in the story… they were _his_ words. Izaya had written them down exactly as he had uttered them—as if he had repeated the words so many times he had memorized them. Just how much had his words actually affected Izaya? 

In what way had they affected him?

Was this a retaliation? Was this story about Shizuo killing him some sort of revenge against the blonde for having said those things? The debt collector couldn’t help but question as his thoughts raced. He stared at the fallen phone on the floor beside his bed, not even truly looking at it. 

No—even if Izaya was so bitter, there was no sort of satisfaction that could come from a revenge like this. If it was Izaya, he would retaliate tenfold against Shizuo. Maybe even pin him for another crime he didn’t commit.

No—this was just like the rest of Izaya’s stories. It was an outlet of his feelings and desires. That revelation made it all the more worse to Shizuo. 

_What had he done?_

Shizuo’s heart raced, but not in excitement—in dread. He felt his stomach drop and his gut curl as a chill embraced his body. Guilt choked him. 

Just how far had he pushed Izaya? Cornered him? He had caused this. He had forced Izaya to need to express his pain in any way he knew he could. With Izaya, Shizuo had recently discovered this outlet was writing. 

Shizuo buried his head in his hands. His head hurt. He didn’t want to think anymore about this. Izaya has filled his mind to the brim for weeks now, even more so than he had prior. 

Shizuo needed to push all of this away from his mind and sleep. Tomorrow, he had work and even if all he wanted to do at this moment was march on over to Shinjuku and confront Izaya about the story he had posted, he didn’t even know what he wanted to say.

Sleep was hard that night. Every time Shizuo would slip, Izaya’s face loomed in his dreams. The bloodshot eyes, the oxygen-starved pallor, his smirk. 

_“I know all about the sick little fantasies you have about me.”_

_“You know nothing."_

_“I know you want me to grab you, right now. You want me to kiss you. You want me to touch you. You want me to fuck you. You want it hard, you want it to hurt. You want me to ravage you like the monster you say that I am.”_

_Izaya’s laugh quaked through his lithe body, but the sound didn’t reach any emotion. "Haha...ha... is that so?" He asked, those red eyes that were usually full of life; fire—now, dull. "That's what I want, huh?"_

_“Isn’t it, Izaya?”_

_Izaya just smirked back. It was that twisted smirk that looked everything like Izaya, yet nothing like Izaya at all. It was wrong. This was wrong. What was happening?_

_All of a sudden, even that smirk disappeared as the dim light in those auburn eyes faded entirely._

_Shizuo panicked, “IZAYA!”_

_However, at the same time, it was in that moment that his eyes flickered over Izaya’s figure beneath him. Beneath the dead expression on the raven’s face were Shizuo’s large hands around Izaya’s neck—squeezing the life out of him._

Shizuo gasped as he awoke. His heart pounded in his chest with every desperate breath as his eyes swam around the dark wall above his head. The nightmare would repeat like that, haunting him every time he closed his eyes. Every time Shizuo would wake with a gasp and, after the umpteenth time, he couldn’t bring himself to sleep. Those images were still in his head, behind his eyelids. Like that, he stayed awake until his eyes couldn’t stay open any longer. 

Going through the night without much rest made it worse for the next day as he had to work. He stumbled around much like a zombie on their downtime and, when it came to the clients, he was particularly irritable. Each time they even toed the line he snapped and knocked them around, only to stop halfway through his pummeling and remember that this was the anger that killed Izaya. 

During lunch, he couldn’t eat. The debt collector couldn’t bring himself to stomach any food, if he tried, he just felt worse. His mind was too flooded to focus on the food or keeping it down. 

Everything in his head was about Izaya. 

He wanted to run to Izaya. He wanted to just forget Izaya. He regretted not having headed straight to Shinjuku after reading that story Izaya wrote, for not having ran to Izaya’s side. What if it didn’t stop with the story? How about if Izaya did something stupid? What if Shizuo had really broken him? So many different feelings and conflicting thoughts ran circles in Shizuo’s head. He didn’t know what to do. 

Shizuo’s mind was in discord and soon enough it came to the point that even Tom couldn't ignore it. The dreadlocked man told Shizuo to take it easy, to take the rest of the day off, clearly sensing the greater irritation in his blonde junior. Unlike usual, Shizuo didn’t even have the energy to argue for his case. He agreed with Tom, he couldn’t work like this. Thus, this led to Shizuo now as he strolled through the darkening Ikebukuro streets. A cigarette dangled from his lips, but he had forgotten it was there. He let out a heavy sigh, parting his lips. He watched the cigarette fall to the ground before he stepped on it and crushed it beneath his shoe. 

“Hey! Shizuo!” 

Shizuo lifted his head at the sound of his voice. He quickly recognized Kadota, holding an arm up in greeting. 

“Oh, hey Kadota.” Shizuo weakly raised his hand in greeting, but he just couldn’t summon enough resolve to put his heart into it. 

“Hey.” A look of worry clouded over Kadota’s face as he approached Shizuo. “You doing alright?”

Shizuo blinked slowly for a moment. He couldn’t even bring himself to lie and tell Kadota that he was fine in the same way he had been doing for weeks now. He was done—like Izaya was. “Not really.” 

“You wanna talk about it?” 

~ ~

Shizuo and Kadota slide into a booth at Russia Sushi. After Shizuo’s unexpected admittance, Kadota had suggested the two of them go somewhere more private to talk. The restaurant had a few other patrons, but in comparison to the bustling Tokyo streets, it was downright secluded. Kadota ordered a drink, but Shizuo passed. He still couldn’t stomach anything. 

Kadota leveled his gaze over the table at Shizuo. “So, what’s up?” Kadota offered. 

Shizuo’s gaze shifted around once, ensuring for the twentieth time that the place was secure enough for what he was about to say. Shizuo took a deep, shuddering breath. He looked Kadota in the eyes, and for an instant, he wanted to bolt out the door, but he didn’t. “I’ve been really out of it lately. Maybe you’ve noticed. The reason... “ Another breath. “I think I have been thinking for a while… and I realized—”

Kadota nodded slowly. He took a sip from the water that was at their table.

“I… have feelings for Izaya.”

Kadota nearly choked on his water. Once he regained his lapse in composure, he swallowed, eying Shizuo widely and raising his brows. “Wow…”

Shizuo averted his gaze. He’d never said it out loud before. It sounded crazy to hear. 

“If it’s alright of me to ask…" Kadota paused for a moment, letting the words settle before continuing. "What sort of feelings do you think you’ve been having?”

Shizuo grimaced, “Does that matter?”

“It could.” Kadota seemed to have settled down from the initial shock of Shizuo’s revelation. That or his brain conveniently blacked out that little detail. “If your feelings are physical, there are ways to work around that.”

“Yeah.” The blonde winced. He’d been doing a lot of that already. 

Kadota continued on, a bit more serious. “But… if you think it might be more, then this could be harder to deal with.” 

Shizuo swallowed as he lingered in silence for a bit before confessing. “I think it’s more. I… I can’t stop thinking about him, and not just… in that way. I want to be with him?” Shizuo let out an aggravated grumble and sunk his face into his hands. “I have dreams where he tells me he loves me and we hold each other, and I want to feel that for real.”

“They could just be dreams." Kadota suggested, but with a contemplative look, he commented. "But, if you’ve really put a lot of thought into this, and it seems like you have, maybe you really do have feelings for him.” 

“But…" Even with the beanie-clad man's insight, Shizuo couldn’t see where to go—what he should do. "What should I do about it?” 

Kadota tilted his head to the side. He let a moment pass for Simon to bring Kadota’s drink and roll to the table. Once the coast was clear, he continued on. “Could you talk to him?” 

A fresh pang of guilt made Shizuo’s stomach swirl. “I tried.” Shizuo reiterated what had happened yesterday morning, and the night before that. “It was nice. Being with Izaya without throwing anything, just eating breakfast with him. And…” Shizuo had to look away again as he mumbled out the rest of his sentence. His fingers linger above his lips, just barely touching. “The kiss… felt good, too.” 

“You know you have feelings for him, and since he kissed you and didn’t kick you out the next day, then I would say he may feel the same way.” Kadota still had no idea that Izaya had practically been confessing as much in the stories he’d been writing. “So, what’s the problem? Go tell him how you feel.” 

“But, I fucked up, Kadota.” Shizuo was dragged down by his guilt, which was about to overflow and wash him away. 

“Then go and make up for it. Tell him how you feel. There’s no other way for him to know.”

Shizuo’s fists clenched up in frustration. No. He was desperate. “How could we ever be together?” 

That was the crux of it all, really. Shizuo finally had someone, and it was Izaya, his enemy. The two of them were like oil and water. There was no way they could coexist, and Shizuo had proved it himself yesterday morning. Even if Izaya was amicable, even if Izaya loved him, Shizuo would break it. He would break Izaya. 

Shizuo was the one who couldn’t do it. 

“You two already were." Kadota set down his cup before staring at Shizuo. "You used to snap if anyone even whispered his name, yet you stayed with him all night and took care of him when he was sick. It seems like you two can be together when you try.”

Shizuo’s mind flashed back to the feeling of falling asleep with Izaya in his arms. The touch of his lips, the heat of his kiss. Breakfast in the morning, hot food made just for him. Kadota was right, they had been able to share some really good moments. But then again, what had that amounted to? Izaya choking on Shizuo’s words. What if things ended just as badly the next time? What if they were worse? Shizuo didn’t want to risk that. If he just didn’t open his big mouth, then they could be as they were—

“I can’t just sit back and watch any longer!” All of a sudden, a voice from behind the wall of the booth broke Shizuo’s thoughts. Then, came a storm. Erika marched into the booth with a trailing Walker and Togusa behind her. “What are you just waiting around for!” She shouted as she slammed both of her hands on the table, drawing Shizuo’s attention to her. Her fist was clenched as she held it tightly in passion while she practically screamed at the hesitant blonde. “You already know what you want! Don’t just sit there! Go and take it for yourself!”

Shizuo could only stare at Erika as he felt something inside of him begin to shake. 

He wanted Izaya. Izaya wanted him. 

Shizuo had to go to him before it was too late. The blonde stood from the booth. The air tingled as his whole world began to take a step towards a new direction. “I’m going to go talk to him.” 

Kadota gave Shizuo a reassuring nod as Erika cheered behind him. "Yes! Go Shizu-shizu! Go claim Iza-iza!" Shizuo continued to march forward, nothing could stop him. However, before he left the shop, a tall wall of a black Russian caused Shizuo to pause. 

Simon stared at Shizuo with a serious expression for a moment before breaking out into a knowing smile. "Shizu-o, you going to see Izaya, right?" He didn't wait for the blonde to answer before he pushed a paper box tied with a string into his hands. "Take sushi! Today is ootoro special." The tall Russian beamed, "Sushi is good housewarming gift!" 

“Thanks.” Shizuo took the box from Simon. He gave a quick glance at all the faces encouraging him onward. Though they knew his secret, he felt no shame, just confidence in what he was about to do. 

He was going to sweep Izaya right off his nimble feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abby: Next chapter is the last!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura: Totally didn't almost forget to post--  
> Abby: The last chapter!!!

Their first meeting was marked with a broken bleacher and a knife wound across the chest. 

Shinra, who had first introduced them, was long forgotten by the two. They only had each other in their sights. Izaya on Shizuo; Shizuo on Izaya. 

A wide grin broke out on Izaya’s face. 

He felt  _ alive.  _

Shizuo’s raw intensity brought waves of energy through him. His hate, the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline in his veins; everything rushed to his head so much he would laugh without control. It was similar to the feeling of being  _ free. _

Izaya loved it. He thrived on the feeling. 

That was the lingering impression in the raven’s head that pushed him to always come back at first. 

Shizuo never made Izaya bored. That’s why Izaya couldn’t help but tease him, bother him, play with him. He loved how Shizuo would snap at him, charge at him, focus on him with such intensity that it sent shivers through him.

Though, this sort of reasoning wasn’t something Izaya could just admit to. No—it was too impractical; illogical. He wouldn’t want to elaborate on the matter either. That’s why he took a page from the beast’s book and proclaimed hate. 

“I  _ hate _ Shizu-chan.” 

Maybe, if he said it enough times, it would be true? 

~ ~ 

Izaya groaned as he awoke. Lifting his head from where it had been tucked into his arms as he laid on his work desk, the raven blinked drowsily.  _ Ah— _ he must have fallen asleep working late again. 

It was bright outside now. The daylight streamed through from behind him, towering over him like a beacon as it illuminated his apartment. Izaya stretched his arms out, trying to unravel the knots in his shoulders and back a bit before leaning back into the comfort of his swivel chair and shaking the mouse to wake his computer. Upon waking and unlocking it, the informant was faced with open articles and several emails on the display, but he didn’t pay much attention to those, instead, his eyes honed in on the date and time stamp at the bottom. 

_ November 3rd, 7:34 a.m. _

“So, it’s already this time, huh…” Izaya muttered out.  _ November 3rd _ —Culture Day; it was a day of promoting culture, the arts, and academic endeavor. Schools across Japan held festivals on or near this date for the holiday. Izaya had experienced his fair share of festivals, though the most vivid ones were those back at Raijin. 

Now that he thought about it, it was around this time that Izaya’s feelings began to change. 

It was during their first cultural festival together. Though they were in separate homeroom classes, Izaya made sure to pester the blonde brute as much as he could between preparing for his class’s festivities—a basic cosplay cafe. Shizuo’s class was hosting a haunted house. 

“A haunted house? Now, isn’t that just perfect!~” Izaya clapped his hands during lunch. He, Shizuo, Shinra, and Kadota would eat together on the roof. Frankly, Shizuo and his presence vacated the vicinity of most prying eyes, leaving the quartet to their own business. Izaya laughed, “Shizu-chan will scare all the customers away!” 

The blonde’s eyes snapped up to Izaya. His face furrowed as he gave Izaya a warning glare, but he quickly turned his attention back to his bento box where he continued to shovel food into his mouth. 

Kadota sighed, as Izaya continued to poke fun at Shizuo. Shinra only ignored it with his usual grin. The taller brunette cut in before Shizuo could blow a fuse. "What is your class doing?" 

"We've got a regular cosplay cafe." Shinra shrugged. 

Izaya pointed to Shinra with his thumb, "Shinra is being put in a doctor's coat since he has one." 

"Yeah.~" Shinra laughed, "I'm not like a certain someone who is going to get a costume tailored for him.~"

“Oh? What are you going to do?” Kadota asked before he too took another bite of his food. 

“A flea?” Shizuo suggested. “You’d pull that off well.” 

“A prince.” Izaya declared, ignoring Shizuo’s suggestion. “Fits me well, the girls said. Though, personally, I think Shizuo’s fits better.” A smirk spread across Izaya’s lips as the words poured out of them. “A monster in a monster’s clothing, isn’t that sweet?~”

“Iiiiizzzzaaaaaaayyyyaaaaaaa!”

There went their lunch period. It wasn’t unusual for them to break out like that. Izaya just loved to push Shizuo’s buttons. He really couldn’t help himself. The festivities made no difference in his demeanor. 

“Yo, Dota-chin.” Izaya greeted the large brunette sitting in front of his homeroom doors, which were decorated in a horrific style full of red paint and blacked-out windows with a sign at the top marking it as a house of horrors. Shinra and him were on their break from the cafe, after being swarmed with customers to serve, it was a well-deserved one. 

“Don’t call me that.” Kadota retorted at Izaya as he approached. He took a swig from the bottle of water he was holding. “What’s up? Taking a break?” 

“Yep!” Shinra answered with a grin. He was glad to have a break from all of those orders. “You’re on reception duty, I see.” 

Kadota nodded, but before he could reply Izaya cut to the chase. “Is Shizu-chan inside?” 

“Hm?” Kadota raised a brow at Izaya’s eagerness, but he shrugged the feeling away and then nodded. “Yeah. He’s in there.” 

“I’m heading in.~” Izaya waved as he went inside, throwing a few coins on the table for the entrance fee. Shinra waved to him but didn’t follow and Kadota just sighed. They knew what was coming next. 

It only took a minute before a roar came from behind the closed doors and the clashing noise of things being thrown around and screams filled the school. It took eight minutes until a lithe raven-haired teen sprinted out of the haunted house with a great laugh. It took eleven minutes until a rampaging blonde teen stormed out of the same room and chased after the escaping raven. It took twenty-six minutes before the blonde returned, empty-handed with a scowl. 

Shizuo got scolded by the teacher for the incident after that and was put on reception duty instead. Thankfully, Izaya didn’t show up for the rest of his shift, so he managed to get through it relatively calmly, beyond the dark thoughts of wanting to bury the raven which he sometimes allowed to escape him. 

Instead of bothering Shizuo, Izaya was more focused on his class’s attraction. After the little incident he caused with the brute, he was made to work harder and serve more customers. Well, he didn’t really care since that’s what his job was. Plus, once it was all over, he could play with Shizuo all he wanted. With those thoughts driving him, the raven went through his elongated shift until the very end. He was happy when it was at last over. Now, he could go and find Shizuo. 

Or, so he was going to do, but it seemed that Shizuo came to find him this time. 

Shizuo walked through the open door into the very cafe that Izaya’s class was working. He had finally gotten off of his shift, and now he was craving something sweet. 

“Oh, Shizuo-kun!” Shinra greeted him, “You came to visit?” 

“I guess.” Shizuo shrugged. He let Shinra lead him to a seat. “I mostly want something sweet. What do you have?” 

“Here, take a look.” Shinra passed him a menu. 

It was a relatively simple menu, but there was a small desert section. Mostly different types of cookies and other easy-to-mass-bake items. “I’ll have a brownie.” Shizuo says after taking a quick glance at the menu and then handing it back to Shinra. 

"Coming right up." Shinra chirped before heading to the back. 

Izaya, who had stayed hidden until now took this moment to slip past the crowd of waiters and customers and saunter to the seat across from Shizuo. It was a rare chance and he would enjoy it. "Why, Shizu-chan. To what do I owe the pleasure? Did you come to visit lil-ol'-me?" 

Shizuo’s lips curled up in a scowl once he was greeted by his unwanted guest. “Fuck off, Izaya. Let me eat in peace.” 

“Here’s your brownie,” Shinra reappeared to place the plate of brownie in front of Shizuo before turning to look at Izaya who sits across from him. “Oh, Orihara-kun, you’re still here?” 

“I decided to grace Shizu-chan with my presence.” Izaya replied with a smirk. “Aren’t you happy, Shizu-chan.~” 

Shizuo took an angry chomp out of his brownie, but his eyes screamed a warning to Izaya. He was seconds away from exploding for the second time of the day. 

“Whatever you say, Orihara-kun.” Shinra huffed in exasperation before he was called away by another customer. “I’ve gotta go, but have fun.~”

With that, Shinra left the two alone which was more than welcome to Izaya. He’d rather take his time in observing Shizuo. Izaya propped his face on his hand as he watched the blonde devour the poor brownie with a grin. 

Shizuo popped the last piece into his mouth, eyeing Izaya warily the whole time. At least the flea wasn’t talking, or else Shizuo really would have exploded again. Having finished his food, and with nothing to say to Izaya. He got up from his chair, ready to leave. 

“Oh? No words?” Izaya followed Shizuo to the door. “Ahh, I see. You’re afraid of getting scolded again, huh?” The raven teased as he skipped past the tall blonde, twirling around to wave his finger at Shizuo. “Bad Shizu-chan.” 

Shizuo snapped. A fist flashed towards Izaya, but the faster teen was able to jump out of the way just in time. The chase was on again. 

It took a longer time that time to lose Shizuo’s trail. However, it wasn’t an impossible task for Izaya in the end. He managed the task before the bonfire began, but the festivities were coming to an end. The students were taking down the burnables and bringing them to the quad. Bored, Izaya watched from the window for a while as students began building the bonfire, about to light it. He strolled down the hall, following his body up the stairs and to the rooftop. He may as well watch the end of the festivities from the best view. 

Entering the rooftop, Izaya found a mostly empty space. With practically the whole student body on the school grounds below, Izaya would have surely been the only one on the roof—all alone. Well, he would have been if it weren’t for one minor miscalculation. 

A familiar tall blonde teen was leaning against the fence, watching the students below from it. Wondering why Shizuo was up here as well, he tiptoed over to the blonde’s side and caught the forlorn look on his face. 

_ Ah—like me.  _

Izaya turned away silently and joined Shizuo at the fence. 

Shizuo didn’t bother pulling his gaze away from the fire down below, even when Izaya sidled up beside him. “Come to bother me again?” He grumbled. 

“No, just for the view.” Izaya answered, his gaze not moving from the dancing students around the bonfire. The fire was warm and the students below were loud in their cheer and song. They gathered like that, full of fun and joy, while he and Shizuo were alone in the cold. Yes—just the two of them… at least, Izaya wasn’t by his own lonesome again. 

Yeah—Shizuo was there too. 

The thought made his chest warm. 

A cup of steaming hot black coffee was set before Izaya, snapping him from his daze. The raven looked up to find a retreating Namie, already back at her desk with her own mug. A small sad smile graced his lips as he picked up the cup and took a sip. 

It warmed his chest. 

~ ~

Once evening came, Izaya dismissed Namie. She had been good to him the past few days and he didn’t want to remain in her debt. His depressive behavior must be making the usually cold woman go soft on him and he couldn’t have that. He didn’t need her nagging anyway. She had begun to do so like she was his mother with how he has been throwing himself at his work as of late. Well, Izaya couldn’t really help it given the circumstances. 

If he didn’t have something distracting him from his own mind, he would spiral back down the dark path of depression. That was worse than overworking. 

Izaya's eyes skimmed the page in silence, but even reading the words in his head, word for word didn't make it stick any more than it did when he didn't do so consciously. His concentration was further disturbed when the doorbell rang. Giving the door a stare, his eyebrow rose in curiosity. Silently, he sauntered over to the door and peeked into the peephole. 

His breath hitched as his eyes widened and he stumbled back away from the door. To ground himself, he clenched the collar of his black shirt as he choked a murmur. “Shizu… chan...?” 

Outside his door, looking unassuming was none other than Shizuo in his blonde bartender-clad glory. 

Why was he here?! Izaya stumbled backward; his footsteps quiet. To rub his rejection in Izaya’s face?! The raven tried to regain his bearing as he curled up into himself. 

Behind the door, Shizuo felt his apprehension begin to build. He brought his knuckles to the door, then, rapping loudly against the wood. No doubt this would prove louder than the doorbell. 

It had been louder—much louder. 

Izaya jolted from the abrupt booming against his door and in that had made a misstep. He slipped backward, falling onto his butt with a loud thud. 

Even through the thick wood of the door, Shizuo could hear something fall to the floor. “Izaya! I heard that! I know you’re in there! Open the door!” 

Izaya scowled at the door as he rose back to his feet and rubbed his stinging butt. Now that Shizuo has heard him, the blonde would be shouting at his door until one of his neighbors calls in to complain. Reluctantly, the raven strided to the door and forcefully opened it to glare at the disruptive blonde. “Why hello, Shizu-chan? What did you come here for?” Poison escaped his lips as his tone morphed from dramatic to downright cold. “Come to finish me off?” 

Izaya’s words clenched an icy grip around Shizuo’s heart. He immediately felt the tension rise within him, bubbling in his veins. He was still holding the box of otorororo-something by the take-out string, but the box began to oscillate as his grip tightened. “No.” He bristled despite himself. 

“Then, leave.” Izaya began shutting the door. 

“Wait!” Shizuo shoved his foot between the doorframe and the door before Izaya could close it all the way. “I want to talk to you.” 

“Well, I don’t.” The raven retorted before he began repeatedly slamming the door against Shizuo’s foot to no avail. He muttered under his breath, “Damn, monster.” 

“I brought food!” He huffed out desperately, trying to quell his irritation before it grew too high. “It’s otororo...ro something...” Shizuo did his best to shove the box through the crack in the doorway for Izaya to see. 

Izaya froze at those words. “Otoro…?” His grip on the door loosened as he was faced by the familiar Russian Sushi takeout box. He hastily abandoned the door for the box, snatching it away from Shizuo and stepping back into his apartment. 

Shizuo took this as an opportunity to push his way into the apartment. Though he had been bolstered by the patrons in Russia Sushi earlier, he now felt lost as he stared down Izaya. What the hell was he supposed to say? How could he get Izaya to understand? Shizuo stiffened and began to roam his gaze over anything that wasn’t Izaya as the man confirmed the contents of the box. 

Eyes sparkling at the sight of his favorite sushi - which he hasn’t had the chance to eat much of late. Izaya softened up a smidge. He could at least hear what Shizuo had to say before he shooed the protozoan out. “Since you took the trouble of coming all this way...” Izaya strode over to his dining table, taking a seat there with his sushi offering. “... I suppose I could spare a moment to hear what you have to say.” 

Shizuo could feel his nerves start to build. His response was halting, and stiff, but he did the best he could. “I came over here to say that I’m sorry for the other day. For what I said, and how I acted.” 

“Is that so.” Izaya stopped reaching for his sushi, instead folding his hands together. A peace offering? As if he would believe that. “Is that all?” He pushed himself up to his feet, abandoning the otoro. “Then, you can show yourself to the door.” 

“Wait!” Shizuo refused to be kicked out now. “That’s not all.” He felt his heart surge in his chest. “I wanted… to see if you’d like to go out… with me…” 

Was Shizuo actually making fun of him?!  _ Of him?! _ Izaya clenched his hands for a moment before the loosened back up. How dare Shizuo look down on him. “Get out.” 

“What? Why?” Shizuo’s voice grew louder with his mounting frustration. 

“I heard what you had to say.” Izaya’s voice was even as he glared at the blonde. “Now, get out.”

“But I like you!” 

“Huh?” Izaya froze up at those words. His mind went blank, softening his earlier aggression into an astonished expression. Even Shizuo looked taken aback by his statement. It just soared out of his mouth without his brain even thinking. 

The awkward tension in the air was palpable. Shizuo brought a hand to run through his wild blonde locks. He averted his eyes. “I’ve read a lot of your stories. At first I was confused… a little repulsed, even, but… I’ve realized that I want to try to have a relationship with you.” 

Izaya was lost for words. Was Shizuo being serious? Or was this all just one big ruse? He didn’t know what to believe and his head was a jumbled mess. “You… but you…” He stepped back. “You hate me.” There was no way Shizuo would ever want an actual relationship—one besides hate—with me. His hands jumped to cover his ears as he denied what Shizuo said.

“I don’t!” Shizuo insisted, his voice raising even more until he was nearly shouting. Izaya kept his ears firmly covered. Shizuo grabbed his forearms, taking special care not to grip Izaya too hard as he pulled his hands away from his ears. 

“No! Let go!” Izaya shouted as he struggled against Shizuo’s grip. 

Shizuo released Izaya as soon as the other asked. He didn’t want to hurt him or force him into listening. But, he needed him to. “Izaya, listen to me.” He whispered, now. “I like you... I want to be with you.” 

“No, you don’t.” Izaya growled out. “You’re just… just confused, Shizu-chan. I’m such a sorry sight that you have to make up lies from the goodness of your heart—”

“The goodness of my heart?! Just a minute ago you called me a monster! Make up your mind! Besides, when have I ever gone out of my way to make you happy? Why would I do it now unless I LIKE YOU. And I know you like me, too, so stop being so fucking stubborn,” Shizuo - very gently- flicked Izaya on the forehead, causing him to flinch. “—and just let me take you on a date!” It was then that Shizuo’s gaze slid back to the container of otoro that was sitting on Izaya’s table. “I brought you dinner, so why don’t we eat, okay?” Shizuo grabbed Izaya’s wrist and dragged him to the table. He pulled a chair out for Izaya and then sat across from him. 

Rubbing his forehead to ease its earlier abuse, Izaya glowered at the blonde only to sputter as he saw the man make himself comfortable at his dining table. “What are you doing?” 

Shizuo opened the box and fished out the chopsticks, giving a pair to Izaya and keeping one for himself. “You better start to eat or I’m gonna end up finishing all of this.” Shizuo punctuated his statement by popping a piece of otoro in his mouth. 

It was a whirlwind of events. The moment Shizuo began reaching for another sushi, Izaya hastily took his seat and slapped the larger hand away from it. He hissed in defense as he stole the take-out box away from Shizuo and into his own space to start devouring the sushi. He hadn’t realized it earlier, but he was famished and, now that he thought of it, he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch. 

Shizuo watched Izaya’s feral behavior with a twitch of irritation in his jaw. He reached forward with his chopsticks, struggling to catch another piece while stretching across the table. “Come on,” he grumbled, “I brought this for you, and you’re not going to share?” 

Izaya only pulled the box closer to himself as he threw a glower at Shizuo and continued to eat his otoro with dignity. Shizuo clicked his tongue in annoyance but simply watched the other eat without stopping. The raven only pulled away once he had finished off the last bit of sushi with a satisfied glow. 

“Good?” Shizuo asked. 

Izaya doesn’t answer though, instead, he stared into the empty take-out box for a rather long time. He parted his lips a couple of times, searching for the correct words, and had only spoken after a few more dazed seconds. His words escaped him softly, hesitant. “Do you really… like me?” 

Shizuo’s eyes widened at the sudden question. He felt his face begin to heat up, and though he found he had to look away, he was still able to nod. “I think so. I’ve never felt like this for someone before… but I’m pretty sure that I like you.” 

“Well… then, maybe…” Izaya slowly suggested, “... I could help you confirm it?” 

A bright smile bloomed upon Shizuo’s face before he could even feel embarrassed. He felt his heart start to trill in his chest. He tilted his head downward, but still, his smile was unbidden from Izaya’s gaze. “Yeah, that sounds good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued...
> 
> Announcement: There will be an epilogue story!!!


End file.
